Just some good ol' boys . . . .

. . . .never meanin' no har. . .

Sheriff Maj. David Decatur says Douglas Edward Turner went banging on the "victim's" door just before midnight demanding that he come outside. When the man opened his door, Turner came at him with a chainsaw. Turner cut up a handrail but did not injure the victim, who ran back inside and locked the door.

Stafford county heathens just doing what they do best. The moral of this story is never bring a chainsaw to a baseball bat fight. Tell me you knew I was going to say that. Also, if someone is braying on your door at midnight, and you hear an idling two-stroke engine on the other side, it's a safe bet that you can go ahead and back away from the door and call the cops. Hasn't the homeowner ever seen a slasher movie before?

And another thing, I don't know about you, but I qualify a chainsaw as being a deadly weapon, and not just a tool for wounding maliciously; you can bet that this crazy sumbich would have been shot the moment he breached the walls of my house with that thing. If there was one time an AR15 with all the accoutrements could be readily prepared and wielded against a bona fide madman in the process of sawing his way into your domicile at night, it was in this attack, and the homeowner grabs a stick of wood instead. At least he used it well.