Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Crazy people roundup

Sometimes I check out the news and there are so many stories that defy belief that I feel compelled to clump them together and share them with the world. Kind of like Drudge (where I find some of these stories), but only for bizarre stories of desperate debtors armed with strange weapons.

First up, a school principle and staff in West Virginia were smoking Meth in the principle's office. Why not; it's well known that West Virginia folks don't have teeth anyways, so it's not like they're going to get meth mouth from it. I kid, I kid.

Hailing from Maryland, a celebrated cop is charged with 12 felonies for allegedly trying to seduce a kid with alcohol and, failing that, pistol whipped him and shot him twice in the back. The cop's story is obviously not in concert with the above, but the whole thing is under investigation and there's apparently enough merit to the kid's side of the story that even Prince George's County police are cringing. I couldn't imagine the hell of being a former cop incarcerated for trying to rape a kid.

In Colorado, some homeless dude robbed a cupcake store armed with a blood filled syringe. The man claimed it was tainted with AIDS, but that's irrelevant; if someone comes at you with a syringe -- whether empty or not -- that person is a deadly threat and should be treated as such. I wouldn't risk hobo guy jamming a needle of any sort in me or my family. He would probably get shot. I do award him one brownie point though for being resourceful.

In New York, a former boxer is pissed because he didn't qualify as a TSA screener because he only has one hand. That's a stupid reaction on his part - he should know that premeditated sexual assault is done way more efficiently by scumbags with both their hands. I was surprised the most though by the discovery that Americans voluntarily apply for the TSA screener job; this whole time I thought DHS operatives kidnapped them in the middle of the night from Serbia or some shit. Why would anyone willingly try out for that?

There were two mass shootings in Washington, the second one being a husband who walked into a nightclub in a casino and gunned down his wife, who was grinding it up with her new man while supported by her wild, fun-loving sisters. They all got shot too, but somehow survived. The husband will hopefully be imprisoned for the rest of his life, and I'm sure the wife will probably never ho-down with a lover while her husband is at large again.

There are many more stories, but these will do for now.
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