Notice me

Virginia drivers have deplorable driving skills, and one of the things that pisses me off are drivers who do not use their turn signal.

Understanding that Notice is part of the basic principles of Contract, as well as giving Value to get Value, using a turn signal gives other drivers Notice of your intent; the other drivers get Value from knowing what you plan to do so that they can act accordingly, and the signalor (industry term) gets Value by not having the other drivers smashing into the ass end of their vehicle. Don't bother to argue with that as Contract has been well settled over thousands and thousands of years, and is way more proven than opinion.

And yes, brake lights are Notice of sorts, but they do not indicate intent. Like this morning for instance; I had no way of knowing if Incompetent Driver's BMW brake lights were an indication that there was a squirrel or other fuzzy faced creature poised precariously on the side of the road; that there was an emergency vehicle entering traffic; that the driver hit the brake pedal accidentally while scratching her overstuffed leg and will continue on or about at the same speed; or that the driver, having determined all at once that she wanted to stuff her filthy face with McDonald's latest wares, was coming to a full on stop, and had to wait to cross oncoming traffic. Without knowing that a driver is going to come to a sudden stop, it can be very easy to hit someone. That's why you're supposed to show intent.

Incompetent Driver did not give me Value, so by all means I should have blared the horn at her stupid ass, and by that I would have been giving her Value as she may have learned to use that stem thingy hanging off the steering column and avoid preventable collisions in the future. I would probably have received Value indirectly, as my children in the back seat would not have to hear me swearing nasty things, thereby parroting them in company of my wife.

I don't make it a habit to stomp on my brakes and come to a full stop every time I see brake lights. I'm not asking for y'all to come over to my house and mow my lawn; just give me some fucking Notice.

Only metal detectors can stop gun violence

Unlike a number of suburban police departments, Detroit precincts do not have metal detectors and the front desks are not fitted with Plexiglass-type shields. They do have security cameras.

Which all add up to what, exactly, in regards to stopping a lunatic with a shotgun from walking in a-la Matrix style and shooting cops?

What is it with you media people having to pin some sort of explanation or qualifier on everything, no matter how stupid? About the only thing that would have stopped this attack before it happened is if the gunman was hit by a bus crossing the street towards the precinct. Thankfully, this attack punctuated the argument that hard targets are better at stopping violence once it starts, as the idea of a lone gunman throwing down against multiple armed and armored folk ending in favor of the more numerous is generally thought to be sound.

Why not a study I can get behind

This short article explains that based on a recent study, DC is tied with Chicago on the worst traffic congestion in the nation, but I'm pretty sure the 70 hour figure is an extreme lowball number. To get at some truth, one has to scroll down and read the comments from the people who live here and drive this nightmare every day.

There does seem to be little interest in widening the I-95 corridor from Fredericksburg to DC, unless of course there's a way to bilk money from people by building a special lane for hippies and 18 passenger vans. Then you can only imagine the possibilities.

I learned about cause and effect in like 6th grade, and even then I could have told you that if you build thousands of homes every year and attract tens of thousands of people and families into an area in a short amount of time, you will have a horrendous spectacle of a roadway system unless you address it first. Fucking duh!

So now we have smarty pants people who presumably come to work wearing a white labcoat with pocket protector telling us that they're pissing away public funds studying the effects of piss poor infrastructure management, and then comparing notes to see which major city sux the most.

Well, thank you very much! I can take all that information that you just gave me and do exactly nothing with it, because I've sat in NYC, LA, DC, and Houston traffic, and can tell you without a single bit of doubt that the city management fumbled the fuckin ball bigtime there, and the locals are the ones paying with their time and funds! Super job!

Now, why don't you smarty pants types do us all a favor and do a study to find out the names of the people responsible for mismanaging the roadway systems so we can write them a nasty-gram, or kick them out or kick their ass for making all of us sit in traffic for days out of our lives while they pocket the money from letting greedy developers make a sport of cutting down all of our trees to make shitty homes! I can do something with that information!

Fun with words

"Armed man at Mormon temple killed in Utah shootout"

That's how the title reads, and from what little information there is in the story, it sounds like a good shoot by the police. The problem here is the use of the word "shootout."

Let's consult Dictionary.com:
shoot-out
[shoot-out]
–noun
1. a gunfight that must end in defeat for one side or the other, as between gunfighters in the Old West, criminal groups, or law-enforcement officers and criminals.

Discarding the rest about military skirmishes, hockey, and soccer, I note the requisite word "gunfight." Let's look at that:
gun-fight
[guhn-fahyt]
–noun
a battle between two or more people or groups armed with guns, esp. a confrontation between two gunfighters using revolvers in the frontier days of the American West.

So there has to be more than one person, and the parties involved battle with one another using arms of some sort, especially revolvers, and there has to be defeat by at least one party.

Reading through the story, I find no battle between two or more parties using firearms. Everybody involved were armed, one guy got shot by another guy, so I guess that constitutes defeat, but there was no shootout. I guess "somebody got shot" isn't an exciting enough headline for a worthless article. For your edification, this tragic story is about a real gunfight.

There's not really a lot going on out there in the news world, so I thought I would hammer on some no-name journalist at a small time news page over something petty. Good morning to you too.

Equipment Change Proposal: Cameras, cell phones, and other electronic junk

This post is rage against the electronic machine, and it probably ain't gonna be pretty.

My bane in life is that nothing electronic lasts around me, and that shit is for real. I'm waiting for the CIA to knock on my door with a one-way ticket to China for a new job sitting in an office across the street from the servers for their intelligence agency. If you want connectivity problems in a building, around office computers, or around people with cell phones, just sit my happy ass twelve feet away and it will happen. Mrs. CTone has commented that I have a magnet in my head.

Now that that is out of the way, whomever designs cameras, cell phones, and other electronic doodads can go blow a goat. Tonight the fam and I were decorating the ol' Christmas tree, you know, something that only happens once a year, and the only working camera in the house ironically was the one in my brand new but barely functioning cell phone; my seventh in two years. OK, technically my sixth as one of them - a BlackBerry - was slain dead by a 33" tire on my XTerra due to the shitty engineering of the bastards at Maxpedition.

Why yes, bitterness IS my middle name. How did you know?

Flashback to yesterday: I picked up the not-quite-two-year-old Sony A300 DSLR camera to take some pictures of the little ones, and when I turned the thing on it made this "Brrrrrraaaaaaaaappppppp" sound that emanated from the lens. Did the same thing when I turned it off. I went to reach for it tonight as it was a picture taking moment, with the kids hanging ornaments on the tree and all, and remembered that the Sony happened to not be capable of doing its designed duty due to suckage. My old standby is my shitty Canon PowerShit SD750 that had to be sent back to the factory brand new, right out of the package. . . . . .twice. Well, that camera sucks too! Turning it on gave me a white screen. It still makes a flash, and you can zoom in and out, but no picture takey takey.

My relationship with the PowerShit is not a nice one; the first time I used it was on a trip to Germany, and out of almost a thousand pictures taken, about a hundred of them you could make out what they were.

Mr. Goat, I am pleased to introduce you to the folks at Canon.

My new cell phone is a Samsung Captivate with Android operating system, and it randomly gets so hot sitting idle on my desk at work that it warns me to turn it off or it will burn up. Also, it turns itself off about once a week for no reason at all that I can establish. WTF?

I don't know much about low voltage electronics other than they are unreliable as hell. Laptops are a perfect example; anything with Windows in it only lasts about three months for me. That's not a lie. The only reason -- Only. Reason. -- that I no longer do Movie Guns anymore is because out of the three laptops that I own, and two desktops that I did own, none of them stay functioning long enough for me to do a post. Either the CD/DVD drive burns the fuck up the first time I use it, or Windows Media Player shits the bed (every time; I was burning the second CD I ever attempted in my new work laptop the day before yesterday and WMP took an unrecoverable dive. It does not work anymore), or the operating system crashes (often), or an update installs a driver that doesn't work and the computer won't boot.

I can't tell you how much moolah I would drop down for some tickets to watch a pride of syphilis afflicted lions tear apart the whole Microsoft staff in one horrific bloody massacre. I'd even spend the ten bucks for some stale popcorn.

I may need a custom made tinfoil hat to shield my magnet from my electronics, or the folks making em' need to figure this shit out and make them not suck. It's true that I may be a mutant - I have DVD players that don't work, cell phones that don't work; I've seen every register at my local Wal-Mart reboot simultaneously at the very moment I swiped my bank card . . . .twice (once while the Mrs. and I were dating and, no shit, I was right then telling her about how I have some sort of issue around electronics).

The chances though that it's really me are slim, while the chances of mankind making mother boards and microchips so small that the copper running through them grow from the heat and short out are startlingly high. It speaks volumes though, to me anyways, that there are so many things that we humans use day-to-day that are just not built to last. If they were, then I wouldn't have so much to bitch about, now would I? What has to be done or not done for some people to build useful stuff that doesn't fail when you need it? Why is it that products used nowadays that has low amounts of voltage running through it barely seem to make it through the year? Is it because technology is advancing at such a rapid pace that it's better to just buy a new phone every year than update it?

I will make it my Christmas wish to have one electronic gizmo last the full 2011 year, or the fuckers that build the stuff will again hear my wrath!

Dangerous jackassery

You have to be a real asshole to shoot deer well outside of your limits. Shooting animals at distance is cool if you can actually hit where you aim at, but this douchebag lobs round after round of .50 BMG at deer at a mile until he finally kills one. The reason I decided to post this here is to show my several readers that most rifle rounds actually do ricochet.



The ones ricocheting off the water near the end are perhaps the most dangerous.

Unorthodox gun usage

Who knew that a handgun could be used to calibrate x-ray machines?

There is definitely a "don't try this at home" warning associated with this advanced technique, as the security guard aptly demonstrated.

I will have to seek out some outside-the-box uses for guns for future posts.

The game of Telephone and the human factor

When you don't have substance, give the masses Mexican Drug Farce stories.

I've picked through this article and its sources a bit, and I note that there is a glaring error, among others, from one part to the next part to the next.

In elementary school, this phenomenon was demonstrated to me and my class in the game called Telephone; whereas the teacher whispers instructions in the form of a couple of sentences in a student's ear, and then that student whispers it into another student's ear, and so on and so forth until the message makes it all the way through the class. The last student to hear the message speaks it out loud, which always ends up making the class roar with laughter as the message is butchered out of proportion to what the teacher initially had said. This game is a great demonstration of the human factor, which is the element of error applied in a situation from a well intentioned but error prone human.

Back to the article, let me show you where the human factor has skewed the facts from what was originally a statement made by Mexican President Felipe Calderon.

Sayeth the above linked article:

"One recently released study by the Woodrow Wilson Center and the Trans-Border Institute at the University of San Diego found that out of 75,000 firearms confiscated by Mexican authorities in the last three years, 60,000 of them — or 80 percent — had come from the U.S."

To start with, I went to the Woodrow Wilson Center's website and browsed through their material to find the particular study that claims this; something you would expect National Investigative Correspondent Michael Isikoff to have done, considering he quoted them. Turns out that he did in fact quote them, though not word for word:

"According to information provided by the Mexican government, which has received training from ATF on identifying firearms, U.S.-origin firearms account for the vast majority of firearms seized in Mexico over the last few years. In May 2010, for example, President Calderon said that of the 75,000 firearms Mexico has seized in the last three years an estimated 80 percent or 60,000 firearms came from the United States." - U.S. Firearms Trafficking to Mexico: New Data and Insights Illuminate Key Trends and Challenges
Colby Goodman
Michel Marizco

Not the same, but close; Isikoff didn't skew the facts though. So now the question remains: did Felipe Calderon say that? I don't have an degree in investigative journalism, so it was incredibly hard for me to click the link cited in that study to find the news article with the quote.

Here's what Calderon actually said:

"Calderón said his government had seized 75,000 guns in Mexico in a three-year period and found that 80 percent of those whose origin could be traced were bought in the United States."

See that? "Whose origin could be traced." So we went from "80% were bought in the US" to "80% whose origin could be traced were bought in the US." That is not insignificant. What has happend here is that the authors of the study saw '75,000' and '80 percent', and they did some quick math and ran with that, instead of taking in what was actually said.

The difference is that of the alleged 75,000 guns confiscated in three years, not all of them were submitted for tracing to the ATF. If Mexican authorities had confiscated a hundred weapons from a drug bust, and fifty of them were full auto AK-47s with Russian and Chinese emblems stamped all over the receiver, twenty were RPGs and 40mm grenades, and the rest were AR-15 or M16 rifles, than why would they bother handing the whole lot over to the ATF when it's obvious that some of them didn't come from the US? The AR/M16 rifles and the 40mm grenades would be handed over to the ATF, as it's well known where they probably came from.

But that doesn't mean that they were purchased by the cartels from a gun store in the US, nor does it mean that they were all made there. What Calderon essentially said was that out of, say, 100 AR-15 or M-16 rifles confiscated, that 80 of those rifles originated in the US. Not surprising is that that family of rifles are generally - not always - but generally, made in the US of A, so no duh that they would be traceable back here. If I were an ATF agent and a Mexican Army Captain handed me a truck full of worn full-auto Galils and RPGs for tracing, I'd think he was a moron. They aren't manufactured in the US, and are not readily available. I would instead tell that Captain to submit them to an agent for the country where those weapons were made. It's common sense.

Back to the article, I found this little tidbit interesting:

"The report also faults a timid investigative strategy by ATF that concentrates on low level “straw purchasers” of illegal firearms rather than high level weapons trafficking organizations."

You don't say? Well, that makes sense too. Busting an element of a major cartel takes lots of time, effort, and danger, I would imagine. Monthly low risk busts would look great on the resume', and you have way less chance of getting into a Blackhawk down type shootout if you call in the SWAT team on Bubba John's trailer at 3am. I mean, who doesn't fear the Reaper, right?

I found lots more stuff that doesn't make the papers because it would be bad for the Mexican Drug Farce meme. It's not hard to find. One would think that an "authorized journalist" would take the ten minutes out of his morning and track down the quote that is the main thrust of his article.

But that's just not how humans roll.

The class is laughing now, so perhaps you reporter-like critters should use some sort of editorial oversight or something to cut down on the human factor.

Highly trained

TAZEWELL, Va. - A retired Virginia state trooper faces charges after shots he fired at a coyote hit a school in Tazewell.

Rule number 4!! Just because someone is trained to handle a firearm does not mean that they are always safe.

What could go wrong: DC police edition

"Lanier unveiled the "Got Guns?" initiative on Friday. She says people can call in anonymously and receive up to $1,000 for tips that result in authorities recovering a gun."

So much for being able to face your accusers. How will the cops explain that one in court.

Regarding all these armed miscreants, I guess Chief Lanier failed to "get them", negotiate peace accords with the gang bangers, or even bring down crime by putting every cop they have on the street. Damn! And I was sure that was going to do it too! So close.

What will they think of next?

Whoodunnitt?

In the murders of four, maybe five innocent people, who do you think did the disgusting deed?

Was it Miss Scarlett with a candlestick? Colonel Mustard with the lead pipe? Was it Jason Thomas Scott, with an almost two decades long record of violence and mayhem? I dunno, I dunno. . . .that's a tough one.

Meethinks it was Scott; that's just my simple minded opinion though, based on what limited deductive reasoning my simple little mind is capable of.

ABC News weighs in with The Stupid:

If he is a serial killer, the new question facing investigators is whether they caught him at the start of his reign of terror or whether there many more victims to be found.

Uuuummm, it seems to me that he had been caught and released many times "at the start of his reign of terror", as he has an extensive criminal history starting at age TEN! TEN! HE WAS TEN!! Didn't some law enforcement creature at some moment in time actually take his oath into consideration and say out loud "Lookey here! Puff the magic laptop says that this fruitbat has a proclivity for hurting people that don't deserve hurting. Perhaps we should do society a favor and lock this piece of shit up for the rest of his life so we don't see his face on the news or his name on a docket for gunning down families in their homes." It would seem though that there are too many absent minded officials these days who can't combine simple fucking logic with their oath and their blue pen.

So the real question is what dumb ass signed off on his release the last like six times? Who actually looked at all his violent criminal accomplishments in his record jacket, and then said "hell, he deserves a ninth chance," and then put blue pen to paper and loosed him back into the free world so he could murder these wonderful people? Why isn't their face on the news next to this scumbag? Why isn't their name on the indictment next to Scott's? I want to see it! Do they not deserve to be there? Are they not just as guilty? How many of these sworn public officials were instrumental in this guys last release?

Jointly and severally, they are all responsible.

I just can't understand what in the hell is going on. We give lawmakers an office with a mahogany desk and a computer so that they can conjure up the largest scumbag-charging statutory web that humankind has ever allowed; we buy cops body armor, assault thingies, and police cruisers so that they can catch the scumbags or at least gun them down where they stand; we give prosecutors and judges public immunity so that they can boldly cast as many statutory stones at the scumbags as they can; we pay the finest engineers to build massive disciplinary structures to safely warehouse the scumbags out of range of society's eye, and we staff them with badged folks who are empowered to control every aspect of the scumbags life when they get there. So tell me, why is it that hyper violent scumbags are not hung the fuck up in an eternal mess that we've built just for this purpose? Is there some sort of problem that we're not aware of?

Keep. The. Scumbags. Locked. Up. It's that easy. Just stop letting them out.

Wouldn't that be an "unsecured" facility?

While the juvenile was being held in a secured intake room in the facility the juvenile gained access to his personal duffel bag that contained a handgun hidden in his clothing. The juvenile removed the handgun from the bag and fired several shots within the intake holding room.

You can't say it's secured when a scumbag teenager is able to get ahold of his roscoe and go Capone on the place. I think that security in this country is mostly for show, or at least it seems that way.

You would think that it would be pretty easy to completely disarm a teen and keep him locked away safely, but apparently it's harder than that.

This is not how to honor heros

The Missouri senator whose subcommittee is investigating potential contracting fraud at Arlington National Cemetery said the number of mislabeled graves there could be in the thousands.

It looks as if a family hero of mine - my grandfather, who's smiling in a picture to my right, and his wife, my grandmother - are among those missing at Arlington. You wouldn't think it would impact the family too much considering that they're dead and all, so it's not like they're inconvenienced in any way; but we promised to take care of them after they passed, and so did the US government. Ultimately we both failed, as their whereabouts, and their very existence, cannot be verified at this time.

On the other hand, I find it deplorable that the two men responsible for making this mess will get to retire in peace with honor.

Senile Disfunction

This most bizarre story about an armed robber is so sugar coated with sweet empathy from the author that it would almost make me laugh if it weren't so fucking disgusting.

"Poor old man with a cane and an oxygen tank is so misunderstood; he's got so many health problems and all that he had no idea what he was doing."

Sometimes he disguised himself as a friendly doorman — “Good afternoon,” he would say, before drawing a gun — or a messenger or a Vietnam veteran, the authorities said. He once used two knives during a robbery.

"B-b-b-but but, HE HAD AILMENTS!"

Well, no shit, but a rabid dog has an ailment too - that doesn't mean you stand there like a goon and wait for it to bite someone's kid. You do the responsible thing and take care of the problem quickly, before it gets worse:

“He was kind of running in and carrying a gun, and told my employees that he didn’t want to kill anybody, and for them to get on the floor, and they followed his instructions,” Mr. Chamblee said. “He asked the young lady for the cash, and she gave it to him.”

"Ohhhh, but he asked the young lady for the cash, nicely and all, and on top of that he has emphysema you see? He didn't want to kill anybody!"

Yeah, I see that he had emphysema from all the crack he used to smoke right before he took property away from a human being after threatening their life with a weapon. Asking someone nicely while pointing a gun in their face is not asking nicely; it's a demand.

The gunman ordered the three employees into a bathroom and barred the door with a chair. Then he needed to rest.

"He needed the rest because he was so frail, being an old man and all. Poor guy."

The only thing that's misunderstood is why that old bastard didn't need to rest because one of his potential victims ventilated his lungs with some well aimed gun fire, instead of being corralled into the bathroom like some docile little fury critter.

“He was a good person. He prayed — preached, he did. He really served God. He served him the last 10 or 20 years.”

Actually, it sounds to me like the only thing this shitbag served the last 10 to 20 years was hard time at the behest of the very society that he waged war on, as I somehow doubt that God approves of one of his flock savaging innocent people, ass.

Back to the pity party, our preacher/pitiful old man/saint-who-must-endure-dialysis was mingling with the locals in a department store, when suddenly his senility started nonviolently acting up:

The customer bolted for the rear, where there was an exit. The gunman turned to Mr. Tezcan and asked, “You want one?” Mr. Tezcan said. And he fired, leaving a knuckle-deep divot in a metal shelf displaying shirts. Mr. Tezcan ran for the rear, too, and the gunman fired again. That bullet tore through eight suits, back to front on a rack, before stopping in the breast pocket of a ninth. A third shot also missed.

"See? The fragile choir boy is so fragile and helpless that he can't even fire a hollowpoint bullet through the backs of two fleeing people! He wasn't even trying!!"

OK, enough of the snark. Let's get down to the point that irks me even more than the gratuitous pity.

This fucker was born and raised in New York, lived a life of violence, attacked person after person after person, was thrown in prison time after time, and yet he was free again to go about harming innocent people. That about sum it up? Here's a glimpse of his stats:

In Manhattan’s Midtown North detective squad, Lt. T. J. Moroney called him a “heavy-duty career criminal” with at least 134 convictions, mostly for robbery, on his record.

Mostly for robbery, got it? Just so we're clear, this guy was known to be violent for his entire life, and demonstrated this fact at every waking opportunity, and yet a panel of morons on a parole board committed 1st degree jackassery by letting him loose on society to rob thirty eight people in two months. Brilliant!

Folks, you have to see where I'm taking this. This fish wrap of a news paper uses examples of violent people like this to advocate disarming you, so that in the end there are more unarmed lambs to be shooed into a bathroom and locked down by the same violent people.

More importantly, this is a clear example of a law enforcement fail -- it was against all common sense to let this guy out of prison in the first place. Don't public officers swear an oath to protect the United States? Isn't the United States comprised of United States Citizens? Some of those Citizens live in other states, like Virginia for instance, so it's important that states like New York be diligent in keeping their scumbags locked up so they don't come down here and fire weapons at people I care about. It shouldn't be the responsibility of a Maryland State Trooper to pursue him up to the point of his death because New York couldn't hold on to their trash.

I get that some people should get a crack at rehabilitation. I really do, and I absolutely agree with it, but they should not get a third chance. After their first chance is up and they have served their time, if they then commit some violent act on a citizen, the last signature on the documents that authorized the release of the scumbag should be the one holding the bag as personally responsible to pay the claim of the damaged family, whether it's a prosecutor, judge, cop, or multiple idiots on a parole board - they should be held personally liable. If one of these monsters from another state injures someone in my family, I'm going to find that signature and get my return.

Convenience store shooting on tape

In Detroit.

The store owner lives, fortunately. Three things I noticed right off the bat: one, the scumbag with the goofy hat didn't have a round chambered in the pistol; two, the same scumbag didn't know how to work the gun in the first place, as he tried to shoot, tried to chamber a round again, and then the gun looks like it went off when he wasn't ready; and three, he shot the store owner while his friend was in the line of fire trying to manhandle him.

Let's hope that scumbags from sea to shining sea are just as incompetent with their weapons.

In through the out door

Yeah, it's the title to a Zeppelin song, but it's also the title to a post about the shitty court system in Central Virginia.

Burton Leon Brown III, 28, was charged with discharging a firearm from a vehicle, using a firearm in the commission of a felony and reckless discharge of a firearm. Brown was placed in the Rappahannock Regional Jail under no bond.

So what does this happen to do with Zeppelin again? Nothing, but it has everything to do with several municipalities and counties in Virginia previously letting a violent and dangerous guy out of prison over and over again so that he can joyride at 2 a.m. while firing his gat out the window of a car within a mile of my house.

I don't what the hell is going on in my AO, but y'all need to get your shit together and start holding on to these guys. I'm tired of hearing about some vicious yahoo getting the kid glove treatment his whole life from my county court, and then doing something really stupid that gets people hurt.

Back to this particular yahoo, a quick search of his name in the Virginia court database reveals that this scumbag has such accolades as obstructing justice and assault and battery of a police officer, making him already a felon who cannot legally own a firearm. There's lots of other piddly stuff in there too, but the fact remains that this guy has a history, and now he needs to be history.

Just so we're clear here, if I rack up charge after charge in a particular locale, and then sometime later punch a cop, I can go about my business after paying $900 and change and giving up my drivers license for a month and a half. Good to know. I wonder how much I would have to pay out for shooting a handgun up in the air while driving?

Obviously she should be stripped of her gun rights

And all others as well. We wouldn't want "individuals with known or suspected ties to terrorism" from exercising their rights now would we?

Hopefully the FBI will give her a special redress number.

Come to think of it, terrorists have long used kids as weapon delivery vehicles. Why not ban kids in general from flying? Perhaps that's too extreme. Maybe every child should be physically searched, just in case, ya know? It's not like they're going to resist or anything.

It kind of reminds me of this.

A utopia free from fear

Isn't that why DC gunlaws are so restrictive? To make sure that Citizens feeeeeeeel safe? To make them free from fear?

Well now, that ship has sailed. DC folk are no longer feeling safe these days, and who can blame them?

As the rest of the wholesale community got back to work Thursday, vendors worried that the escalating crime in the area will soon put them out of business.

“Yesterday, about 10 or 15 customers told us that they’re afraid, even during the day time to walk around this area,” said Shaikh.

“I’m still scared. I couldn’t sleep all night,” said Suleman Hussain, who owns a nearby business. “We’ve been here for only a year and a half, and I don’t know, I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s too scary.”

But but but, there's cops and stuff; many of them with super high tech equipment that will warn them at the precise moment a scumbag ends your life. Look, there's even a big brawny cop standing next to some crime tape, diligently writing important stuff in a little notebook. All is well in hand.

And a harsh notice to all you vile crooks out there that feed on the soft underbelly of society: crime will not be permitted! It simply won't be allowed! "We can't have people out preying on the community like this."

See how easy that was? Chief Lanier is now going to commence "getting them." She's now going to round up the murdering hooligans, or have a stern face-to-face talk with them to find out what reason and cause they have to rob and kill.

Please Citizens, there's no reason to arm yourself for your own safety! The cops will be by with their notebook shortly. Peace be still!

You know, these incompetent goons insist on disarming everyone because nobody but the po-po can be trusted to provide for their own safety, as they may all go berserk and shoot up presidential motorcades with their sub compact Glocks, so I'm thinking that the community may have a claim against the DC police here for failure to make them feel safe.

Canadians: the new terrorist menace

I casually read the headline to this article, and knew it was a load of bullshit before I even clicked.

Police arrest driver of weapons-laden car near G20.

Tell me the first thing that comes to mind is that the guy has like an SKS or something in his trunk, and the cops and the press are making mountains out of it? Or perhaps a .25 auto and some fireworks? Maybe a couple of shotguns, a Beretta 92F, and a old Marlin .22 to make it an "arsenal?"

Nope. So what did this crazed, lunatic terroristic fellow have in his car to make it "weapons laden?"

Canadian police Thursday arrested the driver of a car laden with five fuel canisters, a chain-saw and a home-made crossbow close to the Toronto center where G20 leaders will meet.

Man, was that car laden! It was like so totally laden, that it could have easily been called Bin laden! Actually, now it can be called BEEN laden!! Get it! Been laden?!?!

I should be a counter terrorist, because my wit and humor would no doubt be helpful on long stakeouts, watching black hearted men surreptitiously planning the next massive bombing while innocently filling their lawn mower with highly explosive elixir of Allah.

Hell, everyone is potentially a terrorist these days, or even practically a terrorist. Who knows how many unregistered gas cans are within the Canadian border. And this guy had a fucking half empty soft drink, and you know what those can be used for. . . . .

Inside the car they found five blue and red fuel canisters, some only partially full, a half-empty soft drink bottle, a bundle of arrows with red and yellow tips, as well as a large chainsaw, the homemade orange steel crossbow and a baseball bat.

Everyone knows that a crazed madman with a baseball bat can take out an entire little league team!

Three medium-sized suitcases were found to be stuffed with batteries, scribbled notebooks, and a copy of "100 ways to Make Money on the Internet."

There was also a tall, oversized wooden paddle, a bottle of cleaning fluid, and a dirty sleeping bag stuffed in the trunk.

Is it me, or does the anonymous reporter that wrote this garbage remind you here of the janitor from Billy Madison, at that scene where he's in Eric's office with a list of all the petty childish things he witnessed Billy doing? "Billy likes to drink soda. Miss Lippy's car. . . is green." Connection, no?

Anyways, the day is now saved, thanks to the daring bravery of 20,000 the most courageous and under worked mall ninjas on the planet. Good save guys.

Allegedly, the terroristic book "100 ways to make money on the internet" is subversive fodder for the violent and easily manipulated mind, written by none other than the ghosts of Attila the Hun, Hitler, and Glen Beck's great great grandfather. The cover is even made of the skin from a thousand slaughtered Jack Russell puppies!!

So just how close did the madman get to the G20? A thousand feet? A hundred feet? Ten feet?

Nope. Less than half a mile.

That's what you call danger close!

Meanwhile, as this nutcase Canadian was getting aggressively interrogated for endangering the lives of countless Canadian babies and interrupting the peaceful utopia of Toronto, what were those 20,000 brave cops doing to maintain the tranquility?

A swath of downtown Toronto has been ringed with steel barricades, schools and businesses have been closed, and one level of the main Union Station has been shut, leaving only local trains able to ferry passengers.

Just so we're clear, guy driving through town with some gas cans, a bottle of mineral spirits, and a sleeping bag = the most dangerous threat in the world; ten battalions of doogooders with body armor, automatic weapons, and tear gas turning downtown Toronto into FOB G20 and arresting people with gas cans = necessary keepers of world peace.

Some more keepers from this shit article:

"We are not up north, or deer hunting so these weapons were a matter of concern."

I would say that the stupidity, reckless endangerment, and needless violence by Canadian law enforcement is a matter of concern too. And is he suggesting that people hunt with gas cans and a chainsaw? Don't think so? Well, how about this gem:

"This is an ongoing investigation," he said, adding the car was "filled with weapons of opportunity."

If this moron had a clue, he would know that every human being that lives in a modern residential structure has access to countless weapons of opportunity that are far more powerful than a chainsaw or crossbow. Why don't you just lock up everybody then?

He said the hazardous materials team would be analyzing the contents of the fluid containers to see what they were, and the arrested man had not yet given any clear explanation of what he was doing.

I gather that the guy can't give a clear explanation because he's bound and gagged, and probably has some big federal goon's arm and eight-cell Mag light up his ass, looking to "anal-yze the contents of his fluids." Get it? Anal-yze?!?!

I'm so funny.

This is what you get when you give Big Brother the keys to protect you from everything.

Actually, don't even waste the minute and a half of your life reading that article. It's rubbish. It's kinda telling though that during a meeting of the world's most powerful bankers, and during the coordination of an army of cops of this size, that we would hear about something like this to justify the whole mess. It seems like nobody really gives a damn about a bunch of rich bankers, so something has to be made up and perpetuated by the press to make the masses of sheep think that the efforts of their taxed labor is going to a good cause.

Yay world peace!!

A sorry excuse

"And despite having more than 300,000 graves at the site, the cemetery does not have a computer database to keep track of those buried there. Records are still kept on paper."

P-p-p-p-p-p-pooooooooor meeeeeeeee. I don't have a computer!!! It's not my fault!!!

Burying a veteran on top of another veteran shows that there's more to this than "we don't have enough technology." These two incompetent morons deserve some jail time, not taxpayer funded retirement. How exactly is that punishment?

They were "forced" to retire, see?

As for the technology part - how in the world did General George Washington kick so much ass without so much as one lousy laptop? Hannibal bitched about Windows crashing all the time, making the task of personnel tracking a real pain in the ass, but he still managed to give the Romans hell for 17 years. And King Leonidas, I hear that his abacus malfunctioned, and that there were only 298 Spartans at Thermopylae.

Reams of paper and stone seemed to work just fine for the better part of ten thousand years, and two government jackasses can't even account for the dead for less than twenty.