Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tom Clancy is a homo

No offense to homos, but how in the hell did a nobody like Tom Clancy get the chance to make military themed video games? Especially ones that suck as bad as Rainbow Six? How did they become so popular?

See, I haven't bought an X-Box 360 or a Playstation 3 because, quite frankly, anything that I pay $400+ dollars on is going to make a hell of a lot more noise than one of those things. Therefor, I have been using one of the dinosaur 'regular' X-Boxes, and thought that I would cruise through some of the first person shooters that I have around, like Rainbow Six: Black Arrow.

I have to admit it: I've been a Tom Clancy hater for at least a decade. I have written him much hate mail over the years. How someone with absolutely zero military experience could come to such prominence within the military arena is beyond me. When is someone going to recruit a real veteran to make video games? I think Larry Vickers would be on the top of that list.

First off, Ghost Recon is fucking retarded, and it got worse as the sequels kept coming. I mean, a bad ass speshool farces unit with stupid looking facepaint that gets killed as easily as those morons? Are you kidding me?

Next, we have a "multi-national elite counter terrorist unit" with pansy-ass, non-shooting idiots like the three stooges you've stuck us with. They're worthless! I guess with a name like "Rainbow" you can't expect too much. Funny how ol' Tommy boy conjured up that name for the fictional unit of his dreams. Makes me wonder. . .

And why call them "Rainbow Six" in the first place? There's four of them.

Hey Tom, let me put it down for you plain and simple. Special Operations units, as well as conventional forces, don't need to choose between taking grenades, a pistol, claymore mines, or extra ammo. They're not pussies like you, so they can carry more than 20 pounds of gear for a fifteen minute mission. They frequently carry all of the above with nary a whimper, and accomplish far more than you could ever imagine. And for Pete's sake Tom, as well as you pimply faced gaming programmers that have never seen the light of day outside your mother's basement, how about designing some competent Soldiers that can actually fucking shoot!! It would be nice for once to have three of your "elite" guys that can cover a room and not get wiped the fuck out by one third world terrorist twenty feet away with a rusted ass AK.

It's such an insult to those of us who have carried a rifle, and a pistol for that matter, into harms way.

A question for you Tom: were you aware that 7.62mm rounds in every imaginable cartridge have no chance of penetrating two foot thick concrete walls? Did you know that a M67 hand grenade won't sent fragmentation through said two foot thick walls and kill a hostage thirty feet away? It's an insult to those of us who have thrown hand grenades and fire 7.62mm rounds to suggest such things. Really.

One more thing. If a "Rainbow" or "Ghost" sniper is so super secret squirrel that he can make it into one of your imagined looser outfits, then riddle me how it is that the very moment one of these painted faced and guillied ninjas fires a shot they get fired on by every third world idiot and their brother from five hundred yards away? Aren't snipers in the wild supposed to be able to fire from concealment?

I'm not a sniper. I'm not Special Forces. But I do know that on top of carrying a primary weapon, a Soldier/Marine/Sailor/Airman often carries a sidearm, grenades, a pack full of shit, maybe a claymore or two, possibly an AT rocket launcher, and other stuff like extra ammo. Ask a Soldier sometime what they carry. I'm sure some 82nd Airborne trooper or RCT Marine will set you straight, and then you can make games that don't suck.

I want my two hours back Tom!! I've been robbed!!

Looks like it's Jaws Unleashed from now on. I can pretend that it's you on that frail sailboat, dreaming about Mu1t!C@m! and operators and H&K M9000H&K,H&K.

Sorry about the rant folks, but I'm hung up on a kidney stone, and my friend Gentleman Jack is helping me deal with the pain of it all while I play stupid assed games made by stupid ass people.

Life can be like that sometimes.
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