First up we have a story from beautiful Long Island, NY where a cab driver was attacked, stabbed, and carjacked by several men; one of whom wielded a deadly blade that is not over the allotted deadly length necessary for prosecution. Fortunately, the cabbie was unarmed because he followed the letter of the law, so no scumbags were hurt in the incident.
A simple common sense law changing the legal blade length to a much less deadly 2 - 15/16ths inches would prevent this type of "gangsterism" because the criminals, in order to avoid the hefty 60 day jail sentence for criminal possession of a weapon in the fourth degree, would then be forced to rely on less deadly instruments for their trade. . . .like pipe bombs or something. Think about it: how would a criminal extort money from the innocent with a pipe bomb? Can't happen. Problem solved.
Next, we have a bank robber wielding a pistol while holding a girl hostage. What makes this otherwise insignificant story especially frightening is that the robber had specifically chosen a handgun "trimmed in pink accents," which leads me to point the blame for this crime squarely at the NRA and women. There is just no place in civil society for pink trimmings on deadly assault weapons.
By forcing criminals to use standard black trimmings on their firearms with comprehensive laws reinforced with long probation sentences, instances of this kind of abuse with pink trimmings will be a thing of the past.
I think I will run for some sort of high office in New York in the near future. Just think of all the problems I could solve!