Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Global warming is the source of all my problems

Apparently all I need to fight my kidney stone affliction is a Prius, some pot, and some hemp clothing. Good to know.
Using published data to determine the temperature-dependence of stone disease, researchers applied predictions of temperature increase to determine the impact of global warming on the incidence and cost of stone disease in the United States.
I don't wish kidney stones on anyone, but if these "predictions" are true (sarcasm folks) then two million Americans are screwed.

At this point, these damn things are no longer just causing me physical pain, or making my work days a living hell, but they're somehow causing me family grief as well. It's not like I can keep this shit secret, so everyone knows about it, and many people, now including family members, have approached me with home remedies because they care.

I sincerely appreciate it; and believe me, I will try them all, but I cannot abandon tried, tested, and experienced tactics from doctors and hospitals for untested stuff. They may help in the long haul, which I'm in for, but taking herbal stuff will not cause the immediate cessation of agonizing pain in which the human body was clearly not designed to cope with. High doses of opiates will.

Particular herbal stuff may dissolve particular types of stones in particular types of people with particular types of body chemistry, or they may not, but they definitely will not stop a large stone from lodging in my pipes causing my kidney to swell in crippling pain. Plastic tubes surgically placed in my pipes will.

On the other hand, there is a high likelihood that my stupid body is the kind that likes to collect and covet these stupid stones like some sort of retarded Gollum creature, and hospital meds will not stop that from happening.

So, I am very much open to home remedies. However, being the established realist that everyone knows that I am, I know for a bonafide fact that there is not one single "I'm telling you, this shit will definitely work!" strategy for defeating one of mankind's oldest medical problems when thousands of years of medical research and treatment still haven't pinned it down, and there are so many types and bodily factors that impact it. So don't be offended by that.

It's not completely known why rock doesn't beat paper, it's impossible to know how much wood a woodchuck chucks, and marshmallow root, more/less vitamin C, and/or sleeping with my feet facing North/Northeast while laying on a mat woven from the foreskin of a thousand virgin squirrels may or may not help cure kidney stones. There is no definitive way to tell. That's it; it's that simple.

But that doesn't mean that I won't try. . . .
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