Technology Super Fail

Blogging from the shattered screen of my Samsung Captivate, I must apologize for the lack of activity as of late. Despite being busier than Ive ever been, all electronic devices within a six foot radius of me have taken a colloctive bed-shitting, which counts as the paramount reason why I have not been blogging. My laptop with its shiny new hard drive(its third in two years) has given up the ghost yet again; this time within a month of its rebuild. Orbitz gave me an error for three days on my travel itinerary, but I was smart and saved the original email on my work email account on my phone. By the time I got my phone to send it to my yahoo account, it had arroused my anger to terminal levels. Blogging will continue when I can find electronic technology that does not suck.

A day to remember

Go here to learn why June 5th has been proclaimed Open Carry day. If presidents can create federal hollidays, than bloggers can create blogger hollidays!

Why do I suddenly have Madonna in my head?

Being polite doesn't mean expect others to be

A man open carrying a handgun at a gas station is shot by some scumbag for asking for a thank you. In my experience, and armed society is indeed a polite society; but if someone doesn't say thank you when you hold the door for them, just let it go.

Need a vacation?

Taking a cruise is for sissies! For your next week or two of relaxation and time away from the stresses of work, book your trip to the Extreme SEAL Experience!

View more videos at: http://www.nbcwashington.com.

This course looks pretty bad ass. I'm digging all the cool weapons you get to shoot, and the wandering around in the woods putting holes in targets. I prefer though to watch mud wrestling instead of actually doing it, and I'm soundly convinced it's a lady's sport. It may be your thing though.

There is also a sniper/breacher course where you get to blow up doors, break windows, rappel from rooftops, and shoot rifles from helicopters. One day when my kids are old enough, my wife and I will have to take a family trip!

AR build identified

Mike at Mike's Spot correctly identified the AR that I'm building as a MK12 Mod 0 Special Purpose Rifle. Wikipedia has some good information on their MK12 page if you want some background history, and if you have a hankering for some lustful MK12 SPR p0rn, look no further than ARCOM's MK12 picture thread.

I started this build for several reasons, the first and foremost being a tribute to troops who have used this type of weapon in combat. A close second is that I believe it to be the sexiest AR rifle in existence, and when my rifle is completed I will whisper sweet nothings in its ejection port and take it to the prom. It's that beautiful.

Since it started out as a clone, I have done my best to pick parts that are correct for the rifle. Sometimes it doesn't turn out like I wanted it; for instance I ordered the A.R.M.S. #40 folding rear sight, but I ended up with the #40L - the low profile version - which is not the correct sight, but is actually better in that it sits flat with the receiver. This means that I won't have any issues with mounting my scope forward of the sight. Other things like the lower receiver being from DPMS are not as important to me because I'm not going to spend a great deal more for a Colt or whatnot - not that there was a specific receiver when NSWC Crane built the things for SOCOM to begin with. I also went for the SWFA Super Sniper 3-9 scope instead of the Leupold MK4, as I am not going to spend twice as much for an inferior scope. In my opinion, the SS scope is more on par with Nightforce than Leupold anyways. If you have not seen SWFA's lineup of Super Sniper scopes, than you are missing out on some fine optics.

I'm still waiting on my bolt, barrel, and upper receiver from Les Baer, which I am setup to send to ADCO to profile it to take the OPS Inc 12th model muzzle brake and collar, and I have to pickup a bolt carrier and some A.R.M.S. #22 rings as well. In the meantime I stuck the PRI forearm on an upper that I had lying around, stuck it on top of the completed lower, mounted the scope on top with a Bobro mount, and did some dry firing. I'll have to post a pic when I get the chance.

There is still the question of what caliber this sexy beast is going to be chambered in. . . . . . .

Unconventional weapon violence

With so much focus on firearm usage during a crime by anti-gun folks, I take the time point out that the true weapon is the one who wields it. The adage of "guns don't kill people; people kill people" really is true. Virtually anything can be used to deadly intent by a madman:

AN assailant has sprayed a Roman Catholic priest with flammable liquid and set him alight during mass in a church in Lithuania, police in the Baltic state say.

Gasoline and lighters are readily available, and can be used to kill or harm. So can swords, machetes, and knives, which are not only readily available, but can be made by hand in a short amount of time. Mankind has been using fire and edged weapons to project force since the beginning of time, and they are still effective today.

The Sum of it's Parts: Part 1

This afternoon I put together the lower receiver for my AR project. I couldn't wait any longer, and since the barrel won't be here for a couple more weeks, and even then I have to send it back out for some profiling, I needed something to do in the meantime:



Hmmmmm. What kind of magazines are those? And an A1 buttstock and ERGO grip? What's up with that? Looking back at my BAG Day post, can you put two-and-two together yet?

Last night I coated the DPMS lower receiver and buttstock with Dark Earth Alumahyde II from Brownells. If someone had asked me to describe the worst conditions possible for applying a semi-permanent coating to a firearm receiver, I would have noted yesterday. A huge thunderstorm kicked my ass as I was putting the Alumahyde on, and I was hiding under a tarp holding the piece by a strand of 12 wire while the skies came down. The instructions say to not handle the piece for 24 hours after application, but I would suggest in hind sight a few days more to let it cure; even while I assembled the lower this evening, the coating was tacky and scratched easily. Also an FYI, the stream that comes out of the can is very fine, and is a flat 6" wide. I'm a big fan. I used three coats which ended up being perfect.



Everything went together well. The trigger is a Geissele, which is not spec to the weapon that I am cloning (that's a clue), and neither is the DPMS ambi-safety. The buttstock is from Fulton Armory, which I found out is in Maryland after it got to my house two days after I ordered it. The lower parts kit is from DPMS; and if you have already ordered a match trigger and/or the pistol grip of your dreams, you can also get a parts kit without those things for around $30. Midway and Brownells were out of stock at the time I ordered.

If you do figure out what type of build I'm doing, then you have to figure out the cartridge it's chambered in (it's not a .224" bore). In the next month I should have a functional rifle, meaning that I can start load development, but I am a year or more from acquiring all the kit to make this a complete weapon system. I'll get there eventually.

Force Protection Equipment Demonstration VIII

This is the second FPED trade show that I've been to, only this time I was asked to staff a booth as a Subject Matter Expert. I didn't have time to wander as much as I'd have liked, but I got to see a few cool things.

If you recall, I've posted about this show before; there's nothing new under the sun, or not a whole lot of new stuff since the last one, so I didn't take a ton of pictures at all the crazy surveillance equipment.

Probably the coolest thing to report is that I got to meet Mike Janich, who was attending the Spyderco booth. I made sure to thank him for his work on The Best Defense show, and then he answered some questions for me about Spyderco's H1 stainless steel. At 2 o'clock, Mr. Janich started letting the demo knives go at 50% off, and I picked up a Pacific Salt model for the beach this year:



The reason I appreciate The Best Defense is because Mike Janich and Rob Pincus cover topics that will interest John Q Public. Sure, I find shows that cover how to set up level IV armor for convoy ops or the responsibilities of the 3rd operator in the entry team stack to be very interesting, but I don't need them. The Best Defense covers things like how to interact with law enforcement while lawfully armed or how to deal with an aggressive person in a parking lot; things I can use.

Back to the FPED show, the first thing I did when I got there early on the second day was heckle the L3 guys and their EOTech and FLIR wares. They let me take a picture of this EOTech XR500 sight for the M2 Browning Machine Gun. They said that in testing, Soldiers and Marines were making 1st round hits at 800 yards with it, and I believe it. Sure beats the iron sights:



Notice the drops in the reticle to compensate for range.

Next they let me check out a FLIR camera mounted on an M4 upper receiver in front of an ACOG sight. I wanted it for shooting hogs at night time, all $20,000 worth, and by the time I whipped out my cell phone camera for some reticle shots, the L3 guys were about done with me. I knew I was being annoying at that point, but I got some pictures out of it before the guy took the rifle from me:





In that 2nd pic, the treeline is 412 yards away according to the range finder that they had. These pictures don't do any justice to what you actually see through the camera and sight; I have every confidence that I could make head shots at that tree line. Clear as a bell.

I didn't catch the name of this company, but they make a humongous EOTech-like sight for the M2 BMG, but without the drops in the reticle:




Neat stuff.

The rain at the show was brutal as we had lots of thunderstorms, and sheets of water ran down the tarmac leaving 2" puddles to stand in for hours on end. Most of the vendors there were showing surveillance equipment or armor. I saw a big Smith and Wesson logo on a tent top which drew me in, only to find out that S&W makes Force Protection equipment too; there were no firearms. Most of the weapons were props for sighting systems. It seems that spying on the enemy is paramount to killing them outright at this show.

I still had a good time, and plan on being there next year.

Busy

Going to a military type trade show for the next couple of days. I should have some really great pictures to upload, but until then, posting may be light.

Uhmmmm. . .friendly fire incident?

You know it's bad when you can't definitively tell whether a country you are supposedly allied with for the task of fighting a war is a friend or not. This recent incident between Pakistani militants military and a US gunship may or may not be blue-on-blue.

The U.S.-led International Security Assistance Force said U.S. helicopters were in Afghanistan near Forward Operating Base Tillman when they responded to incoming direct and indirect fire from over the border in Pakistan, presumably from militants. The helicopters initially did not return fire, but when a second round of incoming fire began, they did fire in response.

I have to ask the Pakistani militants military troops involved: just how many Apache gunships does Al Qaida have these days that you would shoot at it thinking it's your enemy? Seems odd to me that you would shoot at a machine that you know damn well belongs to an allied country, especially one that can resist that sort of gunfire while it turns around and destroys you. There is simply no cause for them to shoot at it, so that leads me to believe that either Pakistanis are completely fed up with our shit, or the gunship fired first. Considering that dark skinned men with beards carrying AKs could be construed as being bad guys from five hundred feet up, the Pakistani account of being fired on first seems likely. You would still think that they would try to wave off the whirling contraption of death instead of shoot at it; they had to know that the Apache would win that stand off.

Either way, check out the video to see what Pakistani militants citizens think about our dear president. And consider me shocked that they don't believe that bin laden was getting his fap on while looking at goat porn or whatever they found on his laptop; it's obvious that the Pakistanis are a freaky bunch of folk who don't mind at all keeping the internet porn industry in business.

Random gun picture thread. . . . .

. . . . .is full of random gun pictures.

Firefox has encountered a fatal error

Very strange.

A Hagerstown, Md., man said he beat a fox to a death after it bit his wife and attacked the couple's dog.

That's an odd way to use a shotgun. Must have been out of shells. Never underestimate the damage a critter can do to you - even a small one.

Gun Free Zonage

DC residents who wish to buy a gun have a huge problem on their hands: the one business in the district that can legally transfer firearms has lost its lease, and will take awhile to move to a new location and get set up. Naturally, some people are pissed:

Michelle Lane lives on Capitol Hill, and wanted a gun for protection and target practice. She bought two guns in Virginia: a Ruger LCR revolver and a Kahr K9 Elite 9mm. After buying them, she found out she couldn't have them shipped into the city.

"It's not fair," she tells WTOP. "I followed the law. Criminals bring guns into the city. It's frustrating."

I bet. Trying to do the right thing and not be contentious is basically going against the grain in DC.

While DC officials are doing their best to throw responsibility for this jammage on the back of Mr. Sykes - the man who has been doing transfers in the city, and who has now lost the lease - you can plainly see that the district has tried to paint this business into a corner in what could only be considered an effort to keep other businesses of the like out. DC politicians will usually saddle up their high-horse for other civil rights, but not for gun owners. That's the responsibility of someone else.

The zoning laws are particularly interesting:

Approval of a new location for Sykes isn't the only road block delaying District residents from getting handguns. Zoning requirements on where gun dealers can locate are strict, making it difficult for Sykes or any potential gun dealer to find a suitable location.

Kevin Shepard owns Second Amendment Safety and Security, and has had a Federal Firearms License since 2008, but has not been able to find a location to open his business. He says the zoning requirements are too restrictive.

"It's impacted my economic liberty," Sheppard says. "I'm trying to start a business and they're making it too difficult."

Again, painting the business of firearm transfers into a corner. And the idea that barring a business from selling or transferring a gun within 300 feet of a school is just asinine. What difference does that make? It's only a political diversion to parry the fact that DC does not want lawful gun owners in the city.

From The Sentinal.

Blogger back up

For a couple of days last week I couldn't log onto my blog. Strangely though, I noticed that others with blogger accounts were posting away, so I don't know what that was all about. It also looks like some comments got taken off as well. Sorry about that.

All the cool kids are doing it

Nancy at Excels at Nothing is enjoying the comforts of open carrying (OC) a firearm while out in public. To her surprise, the local SWAT team didn't show up, and the gun didn't crawl into her ear and lay eggs in her head causing her to go berserk and make the streets awash in blood.

Here in the Old Dominion, South of Fairfax of course, the carrying of your gun openly will pretty much get you no attention whatsoever. Everyone is used to seeing it to the point where it's no big deal. I used to OC all the time, but not so much anymore with the growing popularity of pocket carry. I mean, even if I strapped the Kel-Tec on my belt for the world to see, who's going to notice that little thing?

Aside from the usual politics and arguments of whether OC or concealed carry gives you an advantage comes the understanding that OC gets the nod for being more comfortable. You don't have to modify your wardrobe to conceal your piece, and that is significant as far as I'm concerned. Belt holsters that are not made to squish your all steel firearm tightly against your skin will feel much better at the end of the day. Trust me. And to those I know who carry in a shoulder rig, they report to me that that's the most comfortable way for all day carry, and also note that it's way more convenient to take on or off than a belt holster. Utility is a wonderful thing.

Failure to stop

Mountain lion takes two shots from a tranquilizer gun before finally succumbing to something a bit more potent.

The Tueller Drill for real

The Tueller Drill - or 21 foot rule - shows that a threat with a knife can get in a fatal blow on a person with a holstered handgun if that person is within 21 feet of the threat.

Some people discount the severity of a threat armed with a knife, as did these Nicaraguan police officers. ***Warning - graphic content. Two police officers are killed and several wounded in this video.***

Watching that video showed me how fast one guy with a knife can end lives and maim others. There was quite a bit of shooting from the officers with rifles, and it's unknown how many of their shots connected. The assailant finally did go down, but was still drawing breath when they put the cuffs on him.

I noticed that none of the cops had their weapons trained on the guy when he made his move. There was some complacency there that you can see in this longer version of the video that starts minutes before ol' boy goes all stabby. One well placed shot could have stopped the attack before it began, but once it commenced, the cops were on the defense and the assailant was moving fast. I also noticed that every cop he attacked was trying to retreat and fell down in the process, which is why gun schools often teach their students on proper footwork when moving. I would imagine that this wouldn't have played out like it did if it happened in the US. After he failed to drop the knife in a moment or two, he would have been Tazed, maced, and then savagely beaten before being handcuffed, and probably one officer would have been positioned for a lethal shot from a firearm.

The history of the M16

I don't have a lot of time to discuss, but check out this lengthy read on how the M16 cut its way into the arms of our military.

Found over at Ace of Spades.

Redhawks and Deagles and knifeguns, Oh My!

The Mexican drug cartels have a unique taste in weaponry.

I see a Desert Eagle, some scoped Ruger Redhawks, a North American Arms mini-.22 revolver, and what looks to be a San Juan Enterprise Powell Knife Pistol. There are some other odd looking trinkets in there too, but the named weapons I thought were cool.

Guns off campus

DC can't seem to keep their scumbags in order. With armed home intruders robbing Georgetown students at will, it's a wonder that students aren't offered shortcuts through the red tape to own a firearm for home protection. Students have quite enough on their plate already without having to worry about reading the Study Guide on how to properly jump through all the legislative hoops needed to own a gun. I think fear qualifies as a significant distraction to study these days, so maybe it's time something is done about it.

Get mounted

Looking for a mounting system to put an optic on your AR15? There's a ton of different options out there, to the point where it can be pretty confusing. To clear things up, check out this detailed database of one-piece optic mounts for all things AR.

Osama burial video finaly released

Couldn't help myself! Thanks ARFCOM!

Fishing for gun news this morning

Other countries must think America is nucking futs with the crazy that is in the news these days. We must be modern day Sodom and Gomorrah with all the Slut Walks, Shania Twain Love Triangles, The Price of a Suitcase of Cocaine in DC - it looks pretty awful.

I did pick up on this article warning America of the obvious dangers of barring doctors from counciling you on having guns in the home where your children are. It's so full of the same ignorant anti-gun rhetoric that has been going on for decades that it could have been written in 1971 and just reposted. It's that bad.

I'm too lazy to fisk the whole thing, but here's a little bit of fun anyways:

Florida is set to become the first state to pass a law that would limit doctors' ability to council parents about gun safety in the home. Pediatricians decry the law as wrongheaded, and they're backed by statistics that suggest the law will kill kids.

This is the part that I'm going to attack most viciously - "backed by statistics." So if all of these studies that you claim really do back your story with statistics and all, then where the fuck are they? The first link you have in the article, in the paragraph where you say that the Florida Pediatric Society "expects" an increase in injury and death from having guns in the home with children, links to "The Top 10 Leading Causes of Death." Wanna guess what's not on that list? Yeah, anything at all to do with guns. Bummer.

I caution doctors and journalists from hanging too much of their hope on expectations, as reality can be a real drag. Expectations are also not solid conclusions to draw from a study.

Next up you cite the infamous Kellerman study from 1986 (and I notice that you don't link to that one. I don't blame you) where Dr. Kellerman found that having a gun in the home makes you 43 times more likely to be killed by some shit or something. It's been years since I read that piece, but I recall his statistics also came to the conclusion that innocuous stuff like having a garage or PeeWee Herman doll makes you about certain to be killed by something. That study has been so thoroughly debunked that it's almost laughable that the author even mentions it.

The next link about doctors "decrying" not being able to warn incompetent parents about guns in the home - the one hyperlinking over the words "injury and death in children" - links to a health article talking about running related injuries in active kids. Do doctors warn parents about the dangers of their kids running? If it's so dangerous and all, maybe it's a good idea for doctors to council all of us dumbass parents about the hazards of life. Do doctors even get training on how to council people? Are they like Chaplains, but with medical skills? I can identify so many dangers to kids from where I sit right now that maybe I should sign up for my pediatrician to council me every single day, that my kids might live longer than I did. . . . .oh, wait.

"For pediatricians, prevention is the name of the game," St. Petery said.

Huh. To think that this whole time I've been taking my tribe of ankle biters to the doctor for vaccines and illness related stuff, when it's now quite obvious I should be bombarding him with questions regarding the dangers of running, septicemia, and Alzheimer's. Aggghhhh, I feel so silly right now.

More than one-third of American homes have at least one gun at home, but a 2007 study found 70 percent of guns are not stored safely.

Oooooh. . . .another study. Check that one out for details of how a survey about how guns were stored in homes was construed by one pediatrician to mean that 70 percent of those guns were stored improperly. Doctor DuRant knows this shit for real Yo, because of that huge block of training he went through in medical school that covered how to properly store firearms in the home in every situation; you know, that instruction you get in your third year right in between lessons on how to council people and the one on how to conduct years long studies about such things like gun violence and autoerotic asphyxiation. Doctors are like Jack Bauer, but with stethoscopes and latex gloves instead of Sigs and H&Ks.

"I would think there should be a law that says if you don’t [council parents about gun safety], that should be malpractice," said David Hemenway, a professor of health policy at the Harvard School of Public Health who studies injury prevention.

Cool! I'm down with that, because if parents have a claim that you didn't council them about the dangers of guns in the home with their children and they got hurt, then they will also have remedy when their kids impail themselves on a pair of scissors, tumble down the stairs and bust their dome-piece, choke to death on a hermit crab, or wash their intestines out with peroxide. Does your doctor council you about every danger your kid could encounter in the home? Cause what your sayin is that you consider a doctor to be at fault for not giving parents fair warning about common hazards.

Children in the United States are 11 times more likely to die accidentally from a gun injury compared with children in other developed countries, he said.

Oh come on! You know that's bullshit right there; you don't even offer a link or the name of a study. But while we're on it, did you know that MyHealthNewsDaily writers and AAP doctors in the United States are 43 times more likely to die from a rare venereal disease they caught from licking their stamp collection than are MyHealthNewsDaily writers and AAP doctors from Botswana? Honest Abe!

The writer goes on to try and link child suicides using firearms to a study about the dangers of the internet - no guns mentioned in there. Here's the gist of the entire article summed up for you:

The best way to keep children safe from gun injury is not to own one, Hemenway said. This is also the position of the AAP.

Yup. We got that from you, boss. But I have to ask you: in your professional experience, what's the best way keep children safe from violent scumbags, home intruders, or dangerous animals? Counciling?

***Update: Ricky the doctor chips in to say that counciling you about everything imaginable because he thinks it's dangerous is "within the scope of his practice." Hey Ricky, does that include medical malpractice? Last I heard, doctors kill far more people every year from negligence than every firearm death combined. Is it absurd to suggest a law making it so doctors start their counciling with a disclaimer to stay the hell away from doctors because they are known to be extremely hazardous to your health?

Give me all your waffles!!! This is a stickup!!

A video from a robbery at a Waffle House shows three gunman running into the restaurant and throwing people around. That's a frightening scenario for the gunnies; one on one is bad enough, but one against three? Bad odds.

The video mentions that one of the customers "went out to his car and got his gun", which is a stupid place to keep a firearm if you have any expectation of using it when you need it. I guess stashing it in the glove box works fine for shooting at the robber's SUV after they decided not to kill you and are making a clean gettaway. This was in Texas, by the way, which has a past history of gunman storming restaurants. One would think that this lesson has already been learned.

I love the lack of editorial oversight on the "Highpoint 9mm Assault Rifle." It reminds me of this handy chart for the media on how to identify firearms. Any shooty type of weapon is either an Assault Thingie or an AK-15/AR-47 to our helpful friends who make up the news.

Combat doggies

A photo essay of dogs used by the military, to include pictures of dogs being parachuted in with Special Forces and SEALs. Now that's neat.

If dogs of war are your thing, then you might want to go here to see pages and pages of them.

My tinfoil hat is taylor made and lined with gold

I admit that I'm fascinated with conspiracy theories and alien spaceships and shit. It is relevant to my interests whether it turns out to be right or wrong. I'm not a birther or anything, but I'm soundly convinced that things are not always as they seem, that Sirhan Sirhan was under mind control and Han fired first. You bet.

This post though is in regard to the mysterious helicopter that was destroyed in Pakistan during the OBL raid. I've never seen anything like it. There are some people in forums and whatnot that dismiss that anything is out of the ordinary, but there are also lifelong aviators in comments everywhere that are saying that that bird doesn't look like anything they've ever seen before. Combine that with it going down so early in the operation, as well as it being burned into the ground by the SEALs so quickly, and you have yourself a good conspiracy theory.

Sounds to me like Pakistan may not be the only one who has splainin' to do.

***Update: More tinfoil hat stuff. Aviation pros are saying that the leftover tail section from the raid is no modification to a UH-60; that tail piece is something brand new. How cool is that?

I also have to chuckle at the absolute shit-show that is resulting from the raid. A section of our military know for secrecy goes in and kills several bad guys, and the whole world is making up their own version of the story. Note to self: if I ever authorize the killing of a dangerous celebrity terrorist, don't tell anyone. Just sleep better at night.

Details emerge

In all of this news of Bin Laden getting killed, I can't help but note that the US government finally raided and burned the correct compound, killing and detaining the right people this time. So that's a win.

Picking through the news first thing, I see that OBL didn't go down swinging like was announced by the media initially, and the woman that was shot was not killed, and was not his wife. OBL was shot in the head and chest, with no word on how badly it hurt. The locals claim they had no idea that their neighbor was the most wanted terrorist on the planet. Coming from the locals doesn't surprise me. I haven't met most of my neighbors. If America found out that Elvis was living two doors down from me, I would be the guy in the interview scratching my head saying I had no idea. Retired Generals and such are a completely different story though, and Pakistan has egg on their face with that one.

Here's an article on the SEAL team that went into the compound, and here's something to keep you occupied for the next couple hours: a 300+ page picture thread chock full of SEAL images. It's a gunnie p0rn like you would never believe. Enjoy.

Bloodletting

America's fighting men continue to use rifles to bleed out bad bearded scumbags, and thus cure us of having to breathe the same air as the murderous bastards. I feel pretty good about that. I also have to give credit to President Obama for following through; people routinely fault him for something, but America's former arch-enemy is now room temperature, all on the President's watch, and that is something to tip your hat at. Well played Sir.

I do have to frown at his total delivery fail on the news though. So far we have basically nothing to go on other than it was Special Operations forces who shot him to death, maybe in the head. I mean, how many times was he shot in the head? Did it hurt? Did he cry? Inquiring minds want to know. The President could have used far more zeal than he did, and maybe he could have made the operation more awesome than it was, if that is even possible:

President Obama: "Americans, tonight I am pleased to inform you that Osama Bin Laden was killed in a daring raid by Special Operations forces using weapons of terrifying awesomeness such as chainsaws, halberds, and authentic Potawatomi tomahawks. On my authorization, our brave troops slayed thousands of Taliban fighters using these gruesome weapons, after which the Special Operations team leader struck Bin Laden in the forehead with a 28 oz. Estwing claw hammer, causing him to cry and die from a massive brain bleed. I was informed that it was horrifically painful. I have now authorized the unprecedented creation of a huge bridge across the Atlantic, on the US taxpayers dime of course, so that Bin Laden's corpse can be dragged by a team of horses from the Middle East all the way to New York, where the remainder of his carcass will be staked to the ground in the scalding hot sun and consumed by a family of bald eagles. That is all."

Now would that have been so hard?

My wife woke me up last night to tell me the news, and it's all I could think about. Thank you, my dear!

It's a bad time to be a bad guy these days. It seems like every time I turn on the TV, some third world dickhead leader is being reported as getting smoke-checked by our military, to the point where I can't keep track of who's who anymore. If you have a beard and wear a dishdash, and find yourself on America's shit-list, you may want to go ahead and eat a magnum and spare our Operators the trouble of finding you and putting all sorts of holes where you didn't already have them. You also wouldn't get eaten by bald eagles.

***Update: In the raid team were 20 - 25 Navy SEALs, and probably CIA folks; and they killed a couple of body guards, Bin Laden's son, a woman, and Bin Laden when he started shooting at the SEALs. The video shows lots of blood on the floor, but offers no word on the use of Potawatomi tomahawks.

***Update: Interrogation at Gitmo Bay apparently worked. Weird. And I agree with Ace that whomever is the dude who shot Bin Laden in his forehead has got to be the coolest person in the world right now. We may never know who he is, so just to make sure to cover our bases, buy every Serviceman/woman that you know a beer or six at the first chance you can.

***Update: Blackfive says there was hand to hand combat. Tomahawks baby!! I knew it!! Also, the facility where Bin Laden was hanging out at was in the middle of a town, across the street from a police station, and close to military barracks. The Pakistani government either knew flat out where Bin Laden was the whole time, or they are so incompetent that they can never be trusted again.

***Update: ARFCOM has the REAL story: OBL was shot in the head by Chuck Norris with a Taurus Judge, but Chuck had to shoot twice to get the job done. Chuck is presumed to have fired first. The bottom of this page is funny as hell, too.