Thursday, June 24, 2010

Canadians: the new terrorist menace

I casually read the headline to this article, and knew it was a load of bullshit before I even clicked.
Police arrest driver of weapons-laden car near G20.
Tell me the first thing that comes to mind is that the guy has like an SKS or something in his trunk, and the cops and the press are making mountains out of it? Or perhaps a .25 auto and some fireworks? Maybe a couple of shotguns, a Beretta 92F, and a old Marlin .22 to make it an "arsenal?"

Nope. So what did this crazed, lunatic terroristic fellow have in his car to make it "weapons laden?"
Canadian police Thursday arrested the driver of a car laden with five fuel canisters, a chain-saw and a home-made crossbow close to the Toronto center where G20 leaders will meet.
Man, was that car laden! It was like so totally laden, that it could have easily been called Bin laden! Actually, now it can be called BEEN laden!! Get it! Been laden?!?!

I should be a counter terrorist, because my wit and humor would no doubt be helpful on long stakeouts, watching black hearted men surreptitiously planning the next massive bombing while innocently filling their lawn mower with highly explosive elixir of Allah.

Hell, everyone is potentially a terrorist these days, or even practically a terrorist. Who knows how many unregistered gas cans are within the Canadian border. And this guy had a fucking half empty soft drink, and you know what those can be used for. . . . .
Inside the car they found five blue and red fuel canisters, some only partially full, a half-empty soft drink bottle, a bundle of arrows with red and yellow tips, as well as a large chainsaw, the homemade orange steel crossbow and a baseball bat.
Everyone knows that a crazed madman with a baseball bat can take out an entire little league team!

Three medium-sized suitcases were found to be stuffed with batteries, scribbled notebooks, and a copy of "100 ways to Make Money on the Internet."

There was also a tall, oversized wooden paddle, a bottle of cleaning fluid, and a dirty sleeping bag stuffed in the trunk.

Is it me, or does the anonymous reporter that wrote this garbage remind you here of the janitor from Billy Madison, at that scene where he's in Eric's office with a list of all the petty childish things he witnessed Billy doing? "Billy likes to drink soda. Miss Lippy's car. . . is green." Connection, no?

Anyways, the day is now saved, thanks to the daring bravery of 20,000 the most courageous and under worked mall ninjas on the planet. Good save guys.

Allegedly, the terroristic book "100 ways to make money on the internet" is subversive fodder for the violent and easily manipulated mind, written by none other than the ghosts of Attila the Hun, Hitler, and Glen Beck's great great grandfather. The cover is even made of the skin from a thousand slaughtered Jack Russell puppies!!

So just how close did the madman get to the G20? A thousand feet? A hundred feet? Ten feet?

Nope. Less than half a mile.

That's what you call danger close!

Meanwhile, as this nutcase Canadian was getting aggressively interrogated for endangering the lives of countless Canadian babies and interrupting the peaceful utopia of Toronto, what were those 20,000 brave cops doing to maintain the tranquility?
A swath of downtown Toronto has been ringed with steel barricades, schools and businesses have been closed, and one level of the main Union Station has been shut, leaving only local trains able to ferry passengers.
Just so we're clear, guy driving through town with some gas cans, a bottle of mineral spirits, and a sleeping bag = the most dangerous threat in the world; ten battalions of doogooders with body armor, automatic weapons, and tear gas turning downtown Toronto into FOB G20 and arresting people with gas cans = necessary keepers of world peace.

Some more keepers from this shit article:
"We are not up north, or deer hunting so these weapons were a matter of concern."
I would say that the stupidity, reckless endangerment, and needless violence by Canadian law enforcement is a matter of concern too. And is he suggesting that people hunt with gas cans and a chainsaw? Don't think so? Well, how about this gem:
"This is an ongoing investigation," he said, adding the car was "filled with weapons of opportunity."
If this moron had a clue, he would know that every human being that lives in a modern residential structure has access to countless weapons of opportunity that are far more powerful than a chainsaw or crossbow. Why don't you just lock up everybody then?
He said the hazardous materials team would be analyzing the contents of the fluid containers to see what they were, and the arrested man had not yet given any clear explanation of what he was doing.
I gather that the guy can't give a clear explanation because he's bound and gagged, and probably has some big federal goon's arm and eight-cell Mag light up his ass, looking to "anal-yze the contents of his fluids." Get it? Anal-yze?!?!

I'm so funny.

This is what you get when you give Big Brother the keys to protect you from everything.

Actually, don't even waste the minute and a half of your life reading that article. It's rubbish. It's kinda telling though that during a meeting of the world's most powerful bankers, and during the coordination of an army of cops of this size, that we would hear about something like this to justify the whole mess. It seems like nobody really gives a damn about a bunch of rich bankers, so something has to be made up and perpetuated by the press to make the masses of sheep think that the efforts of their taxed labor is going to a good cause.

Yay world peace!!
Post a Comment