Everything is cleaner with TIDE!!

Since the attempted attack, the intelligence community has scrubbed the entire Terrorist Identities Datamart Environment (TIDE) database of more than 500,000 suspects with the new criteria, adding additional individuals to the U.S. watch lists and no-fly lists as a result. Several visas have also been revoked.

Sweet! That's the way I always get stuff done: by lowering my standards!

"We have a new standard now, which will allow us to capture more people."

As far as I know, nothing in history has ever revealed this timeless tactic to be flawed. It's win win!

As an added bonus, this is the same list that our political creatures would like to use to bar people from buying or owning firearms. This is an exclusive list here folks; all you have to do to get on it is to be one of the lucky 500,000+ people who share the same name as someone else who is on the list! Nothing to it!

So how do you know when you've earned your shot at a surprise trip to a beautiful detention facility (where the bars stay open closed all night) by making it onto that list? Well, when you know, you know. . . . .if you catch my drift. If you're fortunate enough to have a name like Orson Ben Ladden then you have an outstanding chance at landing a years long weekend at a secret resort in some no name third world country where the special treatment never ends!

Don't wait! Go rack up those frequent flyer miles today!