Monday, May 2, 2011

Bloodletting

America's fighting men continue to use rifles to bleed out bad bearded scumbags, and thus cure us of having to breathe the same air as the murderous bastards. I feel pretty good about that. I also have to give credit to President Obama for following through; people routinely fault him for something, but America's former arch-enemy is now room temperature, all on the President's watch, and that is something to tip your hat at. Well played Sir.

I do have to frown at his total delivery fail on the news though. So far we have basically nothing to go on other than it was Special Operations forces who shot him to death, maybe in the head. I mean, how many times was he shot in the head? Did it hurt? Did he cry? Inquiring minds want to know. The President could have used far more zeal than he did, and maybe he could have made the operation more awesome than it was, if that is even possible:


President Obama: "Americans, tonight I am pleased to inform you that Osama Bin Laden was killed in a daring raid by Special Operations forces using weapons of terrifying awesomeness such as chainsaws, halberds, and authentic Potawatomi tomahawks. On my authorization, our brave troops slayed thousands of Taliban fighters using these gruesome weapons, after which the Special Operations team leader struck Bin Laden in the forehead with a 28 oz. Estwing claw hammer, causing him to cry and die from a massive brain bleed. I was informed that it was horrifically painful. I have now authorized the unprecedented creation of a huge bridge across the Atlantic, on the US taxpayers dime of course, so that Bin Laden's corpse can be dragged by a team of horses from the Middle East all the way to New York, where the remainder of his carcass will be staked to the ground in the scalding hot sun and consumed by a family of bald eagles. That is all."
Now would that have been so hard?

My wife woke me up last night to tell me the news, and it's all I could think about. Thank you, my dear!

It's a bad time to be a bad guy these days. It seems like every time I turn on the TV, some third world dickhead leader is being reported as getting smoke-checked by our military, to the point where I can't keep track of who's who anymore. If you have a beard and wear a dishdash, and find yourself on America's shit-list, you may want to go ahead and eat a magnum and spare our Operators the trouble of finding you and putting all sorts of holes where you didn't already have them. You also wouldn't get eaten by bald eagles.

***Update: In the raid team were 20 - 25 Navy SEALs, and probably CIA folks; and they killed a couple of body guards, Bin Laden's son, a woman, and Bin Laden when he started shooting at the SEALs. The video shows lots of blood on the floor, but offers no word on the use of Potawatomi tomahawks.

***Update: Interrogation at Gitmo Bay apparently worked. Weird. And I agree with Ace that whomever is the dude who shot Bin Laden in his forehead has got to be the coolest person in the world right now. We may never know who he is, so just to make sure to cover our bases, buy every Serviceman/woman that you know a beer or six at the first chance you can.

***Update: Blackfive says there was hand to hand combat. Tomahawks baby!! I knew it!! Also, the facility where Bin Laden was hanging out at was in the middle of a town, across the street from a police station, and close to military barracks. The Pakistani government either knew flat out where Bin Laden was the whole time, or they are so incompetent that they can never be trusted again.

***Update: ARFCOM has the REAL story: OBL was shot in the head by Chuck Norris with a Taurus Judge, but Chuck had to shoot twice to get the job done. Chuck is presumed to have fired first. The bottom of this page is funny as hell, too.
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