Thursday, May 27, 2010

Hey Speedo people

Riding a bicycle is cool and all, but seriously, do you really have to ride down what is possibly the most deadly road in all of Virginia in the morning when everyone is heading to work?

I've been pretty torn about bicyclists in the past; it's good exercise, it's economical, it saves pandas and shit. . . . but I lost a bunch of empathy this morning when I watched a car trying to pass some spandex clad bike warrior almost take out an oncoming driver. I look at it like this, you're not really endangering my life with your hobby when I'm riding behind you because I can choose not to risk trying to pass you. But what about if I'm coming the other way, and I collide with another vehicle that's just trying to pass your slow ass on some twisty back road? Not all that cool anymore, now is it?

In Europe, a lot of the roads have bike lanes built in from the start, as it would seem that municipalities actually consider the roads and other infrastructure beforehand, instead of just building houses with wild abandon and damn the repercussions. The extra four feet of pavement would be good here, in my opinion, because maybe some of the hippies that have infiltrated from up North would be able to bike to their work, instead of running me off the road or rear ending me while I'm on my way to mine.

But that's just not the case. Oh no. Instead, we have many of them that like to take the scenic route during morning and afternoon traffic hour, down the not so straight road that follows the river - River Road, imagine that - where the lanes are narrow, bumpy, banked the wrong way, with random creeks running across them, with visibility of about thirty feet, and overall just treacherous. Good decision.

And every one of these guys - every time without exception, gets miffed when you're tailing behind them and tries to wave you by angrily while going around a tight curve, like I'm gonna look back at my three kids buckled into their car seats and say "hold on tight now! Speedo man assures me that the way is safe!" and just nose my 5,000 lb. SUV across the double yellow line so I don't interrupt his tranquil bike ride. I'll tell you what, jackasses, if the decision between collisions boils down to me hitting a tree, an oncoming Tahoe, or your squishy ass, guess which one I'm gonna chose every time?

Please, for pete's sake, ride your little bicycle on a different road, or try riding at a different time.
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