Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Be my bodyguard

So this My FOX DC piece on the uptick in female bodyguards seems pretty cool - I have no doubts that women bring some unique skill sets to the field - but for a good laugh, check out the video at the top.

I have no idea what school that is, or what their instructors smoke before getting started for a day of teaching, but there's some seriously silly stuff in there. My fav is the judo roll while in tiger stripe ghettoflage complete with tactical vest with empty pockets. I mean, when you "want protection without the obvious looming tall, hulking man standing next to them," there's nothing that says covert quite like a tactical vest and BDUs that came out of a bargain bin.

Who are they training to protect that would require highly trained stealth ninja operators? Swartzkoff? He had some real badasses, and even they didn't wear stupid vests with BDUs.

And how about that tactical assault balancing beam? Never know when you may have to shoot it out with the tangos while escorting Brittany across a treacherous log spanning a fast moving creek! It's like something out of Dora the Explorer.

Well hell, I might as well bury my plans on going to Gunsite since they don't offer balancing beams, ninja stuff, how to fight while climbing around in the rafters, big-guy-armed-with-m16-take-downs, and best of all - new and exciting ways to hold your chromed Beretta close to your face for that precision shot! I bet the Gunsite instructors would even laugh at my tiger stripe cammies or my use of a stripper pseudonym.
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