Monday, November 24, 2008

Violent weekend

While I was busy sanding drywall this weekend, gangbangers were shooting each other at a shopping mall in Washington, and a sword swinging man was gunned down in Hollywood, CA.

I know it's shocking to think that criminals actually don't obey mall rules and decide to bring a firearm anyways, but for some reason nobody is shocked that they would shoot each other. On the other hand, it should be noted that these criminal things happen from time to time, and are the reason that peaceable citizens sometimes tuck a little pistol in their waistbands. Be prepared.
As for the sword guy, he was shot and killed by a security guard because he was swinging two samurai swords and the guard "defend[ed] [his] safety." Maybe we should ban swords since they're only made for killing babies and the elderly, and especially samurai swords which of course are only made for the brutal dispatching of the samurai. They qualify as "assault swords," so to speak, because they are overly sharp - unnecessarily so - and usually have a handguard of some sort (think of the handguard as the "barrel shroud"). The federal government should also make a 'one sword a month' law so that crazy people like this guy can't have two assault swords at the same time. Common sense, folks.

Do keep in mind that the security guard is allowed to carry a gun, unlike Californian citizens, because his tactical ninja skills are much more developed. Those patches on his neat black uniform mean that he alone has the mental capacity to understand that a man coming at him while wielding two swords qualifies as a deadly threat that can be taken out with deadly force. You need training to be able to understand that threat, and quite frankly Californians just don't have it. So get some patches.

Update: Here's a picture and more information on the sword guy. Funny, he doesn't look like the kind of guy who would do such a thing, does he? The security guard that shot him must have overwhelming powers of perception! It's a good thing that he was entrusted with a license to carry a weapon, and not some mere mortal citizen.
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