HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Funniest story I've heard in the news in a long time. Safe for work too.

A taste:

A TOPLESS sunbather is being investigated by police after being accused of sensuously rubbing sun cream on herself on a public beach.

Police were called to a beach at Anzio south of Rome by a furious mother who said the way the “attractive” sunbather was rubbing lotion on her body had “troubled her sons aged 14 and 12.”

Yes, I bet those boys are now deeply, deeply troubled. Bothered even. Best to take them home and tell them to take a cold shower. As for the woman in question, she's hired a lawyer who's a real riot:

“'Let's be clear my client is tall, brunette and has an ample breast and is therefore going to naturally be sensuous when she applies cream to her chest.

Every sentence in this article is quotable, and funny as hell, so I'll tell you now to just go and read it. I won't post any more. Go read now.

What could go wrong: DC police edition

"Lanier unveiled the "Got Guns?" initiative on Friday. She says people can call in anonymously and receive up to $1,000 for tips that result in authorities recovering a gun."

So much for being able to face your accusers. How will the cops explain that one in court.

Regarding all these armed miscreants, I guess Chief Lanier failed to "get them", negotiate peace accords with the gang bangers, or even bring down crime by putting every cop they have on the street. Damn! And I was sure that was going to do it too! So close.

What will they think of next?

A look at what American Soldiers are doing in Afghanistan

This is a raw and unbiased view of what is going on right now, every day in Afghanistan, at Militaryphotos.net.

Yikes!

Pit Bull violence

Jones refused and officers escorted her outside, officials said. She suddenly stopped and ordered the dog to attack. The pit bull began biting the officer's foot, which was protected by a boot.

Many things to discuss. One, did the woman really "order" her dog to attack? Are the cops suggesting that she compelled the dog to act by tendering it spoken words? Seriously? I'm not defending her overall actions; she seems like quite the scumbag, and whatever charges are conjured up over her "ordering" an animal with a primitive will and no mastery of the English language will probably stick, but it still stands to ask the question of whether one can make an animal do anything. Responsibility for the dogs actions on the other hand. . . . .

Two, who wants to bet that the dog is not a "pit bull" -- the assault thingy of the canine world -- at all, but merely some form of muscular terrier that cannot be accurately identified by the police? Back in time, way way back before the Russians covertly introduced pit bulls to the American continent to wreak havoc on the place, the canine threat of the day was either the Doberman or the Rottweiler. At that time, pretty much any mid to large black dog that made the news was one of those highly dangerous and volatile animals, and the world knew about every toothy incident where one of them ate an entire city of people. These days, the Doby and Rotty threat is a thing of the past, as advanced doggy electroshock therapy and loppobodomy techniques have been so perfected that they don't seem to attack everything in sight like they did in the 80s.

Third, why the 1st degree assault? Are they suggesting that she planned to sic the animal on the cops all along? Like before she left her apartment that day, she re-checked her map and battle plan of the ambush, took a last long drag off her crack pipe, put on her shoes and grabbed Cujo's leash. "Lets go get us some poeleeeeeeece, Cujo! Don't let me down boy!" Yeah, totally premeditated, with like malice aforethought and stuff.

With all that said, it's surprising that the dog didn't get shot considering how often that seems to happen these days. Also, since we all know that a pit bull can tear off a mans leg with little to no effort, that only reinforces my opinion that this wasn't an American Pit Bull Terrier or other Bull Terrier breed at all, but probably a Beagle or something. And of course it sounds like this woman will be getting the treatment she needs. I could be wrong on that one; she could be a saint thrown into a big misunderstanding, but something tells me that that is not the case here.

Beware, the Worcestershire menace!

The man's ex-girlfriend is accused of forcing her way inside and throwing things at the other woman, Bledsoe said. Among the items thrown were a can of tile cleaner and a bottle of Worcestershire sauce.

And it gets worse. The man was hospitalized in serious condition when he was assaulted by an assault broomstick!

She turned on the man, Bledsoe said, hitting him numerous times until the broom broke in half. Police allege that she then stabbed the man in the lower abdomen with the broken end.

That was after the girlfriend was assaulted with the dreadful thing. We can all see the point here that it would be best if we just took everything and anything away from people so that we can live a life of peace and harmony. Imagine a world without domestic violence!!!

There are some obvious common sense measures that would have to be enacted as well that are without question, like the outright banning of wife beaters and Hurricane. That alone would go quite aways to building up the utopia, but combine it with the confiscation of worcestershire sauce and broomsticks and you have a recipe for love, not war.

Think about it now, who really neeeeeeeds bottled sauces that can be instantly turned into dangerous projectiles by errant drunken lovers in a moment of passionate rage, or broomsticks made of deadly metal -- metal used in machines of war and death? Doesn't make sense, does it?

Gunnish things

See the second and third pictures down in this thread at Militaryphotos.net to see a "pen gun" and "key ring gun" that were confiscated from some blokes over in London.

Also, check out the last pic of the Romanian "special police operative" with the double barrel shotgun, balaclava, and bandoleer. Very strange, but really really cool in the sort of way that only a shotgun like that can bring.

Go-go gadget KNIFE!

Stuff like this is such low hanging fruit. I don't live in DC, but I live close enough that I can point out all its visible warts.

Fans of go-go group Polo and the Boyz seem to have been responsible for the fuss, which led to a brawl and a stabbing at the club off Bladensburg Road NE.

The natives have a penchant for random acts of violence. At least no one was shot this time, which we can all contribute to the attempted strengthening of gun laws.

Something tells me that if a Go-Go club opened up in let's say Fairfax, that there wouldn't be crazy violence there. Richmond perhaps, and definitely Baltimore, but not in any city where the residents are all sane.

Now, why do I have this Wham! song in my head?

It's a start

The D.C. chapter of the Guardian Angels, a citizen safety watchdog group, says that members will start patrolling Metro's green line three nights a week. This comes after a large fight broke out at a station over the weekend, injuring four people.

The fight of which they speak is the one I was snorting about a few days ago.

This is the sort of community responsibility that I noted was lacking; now we have some brave souls who are willing to put their time and neck on the line to ensure there is safety on the Metro. It's a pity that they are denied the legal force necessary to prevent anything other than some teenage fisticuffs, but it does show an overt act of courage. Perhaps even more so that they are unarmed.

Sling blade

Do county officials really need a five pound blade? Sure, it's supposed to stay safely attached to the lawn mower, but when you have an accidental discharge, babies could be seriously hurt. Let's limit mowers to two pound blades to help prevent senseless mower violence.

Fortunately the little one was safe and sound. That could have been pretty ugly. That makes me think though, has anyone ever done lawn mower blade ballistics? That sucker went through quite a bit - "fliiine through the eehhhr" - before stopping.

Looking for some new rifle glass?

If you're a dork like me, you might be seriously considering what type of reticule is in the scope before you buy, to the point where you use Excel to down select between potential candidates.

If you want to know what the reticules look like in the really real world, then check out this Through the Scope thread at Sniper's Hide forums.

Such a tool

A review of the HammerHead Rifle tool for the AR15 at Military Morons. A nice to have multi-tool to help you maintain your carbine while in locations unknown.

Anti-terrorism bonanza!

The DC Metro police department has received warning from the Department of Fathahland Security about an uncorroborated threat - something about chicken. . .no.. . .Turkey, aaaaaand explosives. That's about it.

Oh, and there will be 20 more police officers assigned the daunting task of protecting the Metro rail from this phantom threat that may not actually be a threat, but apparently not to protect patrons from hordes of violent scumbags who throw down on a Friday night. Good to know.

Some issues here. First is that there are 420 Metro cops already, and adding 20 more is beans when you consider that "errybody know you gots to have you some moe poeleeeece" -- so what they're saying is that before Metro had one cop per 3.5 square miles, and now they will have one cop per 3.4 miles.

These 20 dudes must be some stone cold killers.

Word on the street is they are hand picked Tier -0 warriors from the likes of the Elite Team Fighters, The Original Mall Ninjas, Cat Shit One, and Cobra Command, and feature hard core operators of the likes of Lt. Curran, who successfully led a well known SEAL team mission in Beruit, Major McCoy, who cut his teeth in Delta over twenty years ago, and Matthew Temkin, father of modern point shooting. If anyone can restore peace and maintain a Turkey free public transpo, it's these guys. All is well in hand.

Now if DC could only foot the bill to add a couple more thousand of these guys, then violence and armed terrorists on the Metro would be a thing of the past!

My snark totally reminded of some of my earliest work about this very subject.

Contrary to that post though, here we are with a bona fide non-threat, and the reaction is to pump up the police force by a handful of officers. I actually see this as a good thing, and is about what I would expect from a sober local government; just enough ink to make it look like you put a check in the box, but not enough to constitute a sound effort that would be unrealistic. That way, you fulfill your public duty to respond, it looks like you're doing something impressive, but in reality you're not going to have armor clad SWAT cops with automatic weapons and the bare minimum amount of training riding about with the proles. Maybe the powers-that-be will change their mind about that, and that would suck for DC folk, and I would make fun of everyone for it, but at the moment everything seems to be working snickety snick.

Nothing prevents gang violence quite like the Bugle Corps

Over seventy thugs got into a melee on the Metro rail this past Friday, and the natives are pretty restless about it, offering up innovative solutions such as hiring more Poe-leeeeese and giving gangbangers the opportunity to be in a drum and bugle corps.

"You definitely know you got to have more police than what you already have, you know what I mean?"

Not really, no. Contrary to popular belief, most American cities are not magnets for violent thugs, so people are not used to seeing things like this. If this had happened in Alexandria, I would have been in complete disbelief, even though it's right across the water. When (not if) crazy acts of violence happen in DC, nobody is all that surprised. See this story from this weekend where random acts of violence in a small Virginia town are called "bizarre", and contrast it with a not unusually bizarre story from DC.

Also, you have to wonder about the audacity of these scumbags considering that they did all of this despite the countless "crime" cameras cunningly affixed to capture every angle of detail. So apparently the cameras do not project some kind of safety forcefield of protection, and DC Citizens should take note.

The Fox 5 Washington news I saw at zero-dark-thirty this morning had an interview with a woman who witnessed the brawl for about an hour, and said she huddled down with her children, helplessly waiting for able bodied men with advanced tools of defense to come and restore peace. I couldn't imagine how helpless she must have felt, especially while holding her children whom she had no chance of protecting - and when I say I couldn't imagine, I mean exactly that, because I would never take my kids into that city, and I avoid it like the plague. Call me crazy or paranoid, but my chances of dying old, wrinkled, and mean go way way down the very moment I cross the Wilson bridge, and I'm not about to pass that bad fortune on to my kids over some museums and such. I can find safer places for them to have fun that don't involve day-to-day shootings and massive fights.

This problem of extreme violence that infects that city is of every voting DC Citizen's doing; their solution to this common problem is not to have the community at large take united action to bring the peace, but to obligate the responsibility to someone else by giving out more shiny things to uniformed people who probably won't be in the area when you are huddled in a corner, peeing down your stockings. To quote myself, which makes me feel important this morning:

When a community is plagued with violent criminals, traditionally able bodied members of the community bonded together and took care of business, often times working in unison with the local police to bring the peace. This is not 'vigilantism' at all, and suggesting so is disgusting. Cops are given special tools and powers by the people, and paid to commit to the task of finding violent people full time; whereas citizens, ultimately responsible for their own safety, would be hindered during their day to day affairs if they kept that full time responsibility. In the end, every soul is charged with protecting their gift of life as the protector of the last resort, but that is not to say that many souls cannot act as one to bring order to their community.

These days the good folk of DC are too busy doing other things to provide order themselves. If I lived there, I would find out about the criminal history of the several scumbags that were caught and use that to start holding public officials accountable. I would also consider moving to a happy place where the locals don't think it's acceptable to have ten people gunned down with a rifle from a moving car by three thugs with huge rap sheets.

Again, call me paranoid, but I would discuss those things with the real estate agent while I was looking into the quality of schools and such. "So how are the schools? Mmmkay, now what about fun stuff for kids to do? Good, good. Has this city had upwards of a dozen shootings over a weekend while every cop on the police force was out barricading the streets to prevent it?" Hmmm. That may just influence my decision."

It's obvious that some folk don't think the way I do. Pity.

Make the sphere bigger!

Three suspects brandishing guns robbed two victims in a parking lot near the University of Maryland College Park campus.

Something should definitely be done about senseless acts of violence like this. I propose extending the "Gun Free Zone" safety net of peace and harmony outwards further from the campus so that the good Citizens of Maryland can graze without having to worry about predators with guns.

Attitude

Some Briton women have it.

Now that's awesome right there!

Can the media get any more disgusting?

I haven't commented on the shooting in Hartford, Connecticut because I saw little to write about, but after I half heartedly clicked a link at CNN on it, I was treated to a pathetically poo-drenched story about racism.

Was the douchebag discriminated against? Who was responsible? What does his mother think about all the racism? Are unions in Connecticut really racist, and did the douchebag file a formal complaint? Did I mention racism? Racism? Say it with me: rrrrrraaaaaaccccciiiiiiisssssssmmmmmm.

I got your message CNN. I understand.

This is what I think about that. I think that CNN could care less about passing factual information in any article that they produce; this is abundantly clear. The reason, I gather, is because since CNN is a corporation that strives to collect dollars from the public, they have to whore themselves out to get them, and that means publishing articles that get traction by pulling on people's emotions. Articles like the piece of shit I read this morning.

So here I am standing in the middle of the park pointing at this steaming turd: hey y'all, there's some shit here. So what's up with that? I didn't link to the article because I don't want anyone to step in it. That's about it.

As for the douchebag gunman, anyone who willingly takes people's life deserves no sympathy. They get no love. Outside of self defense anyways. That's how it's supposed to work. Whether there was racism or not is insignificant because normal human beings do not shoot one another over something so trivial. Reality says that the gunman committed a disgusting act because he felt that he was mistreated, or that he wasn't promoted fast enough, or perhaps because his panties were riding up that day. In the end, he was a disgusting man that should be shamed, not propped up on some pedestal of excuses.

Shame on you CNN for entertaining such a disgusting angle.

Public understanding of firearms

Despite the big uptick in firearms purchases as of late, the public at large is still dumb as a post when it comes down to understanding fundamental gunnish things.

Here's a story about a federal police officer shooting a dog in a dog park for allegedly acting aggressively/attacking his dog and/or him personally - the details are not crystal clear, and it will be a he-said-she-said argument regardless. Sad story either way.

What I am pointing out though is in the comments:

Oldcyrus22
"What is that officer doing with his gun in a park loaded with hollow points? He is a menace that was looking for a reason to shoot. . . . ."

Hollow points = menace. Got that?

How about this one:

anonymous
"My first question is WHY is an OFF-DUTY Federal Officer walking around with a gun loaded with hollow point bullets ? Why would he feel it necessary to use a hollow- point bullet on any dog? ANYONE with a brain in their head would know that doing so on anything smaller than an enraged bear [and then I would only allow 2 regular caliber hunting bullets] is not only excessive over kill [pardon the bad pun] but also shows an EXTREME psychological failure on the part of the officer in question. Obviously he does not know when and how to use a 'man-killing' round in his weapon. Dogs 'feint' agressively at each other all the time to establish hierarchy and dominance some more than most. Different dogs have different levels of aggression. Before his superiors let him have a gun they should have checked he knew what it was good for. It would have been best if he had just thrown the safetied weapon at the seemingly aggressive dog THEN NO ONE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HURT MUTTONHEAD! And isn't that the point of being a FEDERAL OFFICER?????"

My emphasis. This person also does not know why virtually every police department and federal law enforcement agency in the country uses hollow points in their service weapons, and I don't think it matters if he or she finds out. Hollow points are for large bears, and you're only allowed to shoot a bear with "regular" hunting bullets. . . twice.

Oh, but there's more:

Schatzie59
"What the heck is the off-duty officer doing with a loaded gun in a dog park? Fire him. If he can shot a dog, what happens if some person makes him mad?"

Schatzie

Now we're not talking about hollow points at all; this person is questioning the carrying of a weapon in general, and from an anointed police officer at that - a federal one even. So if he or she believes that a cop could fly off the handle and start murdering Lassie, Benji, Cujo, and their owners because he had an off day, how can you possibly expect him or her to trust you with a weapon?

Back to the comments though, we're still not through with the perception of a cop carrying his duty weapon in public:

Dranny3
"Get this Federal Officer off the streets. No reason he should be carrying a loaded gun when he's off duty and in a public park. Sounds to me like he's a little trigger happy and maybe shouldn't have a gun at all. He should be charged with animal cruelty and forced to face charges. . . ."

Again, this one's about carrying a gun in general in public. If you are not in a uniform, there is no way you can be trusted to have a firearm with you. Also, the cop in question should be run up the flagpole for shooting the dog when we still don't have the facts.

The big picture I'm trying to paint here is imagine yourself standing in a courtroom in the aftermath of a defensive shooting. You glance over at the jury, and you see a cast of good hearted human beings that no doubt love their fellow man, and wouldn't harm a soul, but won't hesitate for an instant to send your ass to Sing Sing for using a handgun bullet that in their eyes are only for killing large bears with one shot.

See how this is a major issue?

The solution of course is training; those who are in the know should be educating those who are not. If you are looking for a visual on bullets, how they work, and the differences between hollow points and "regular" bullets, I invite you to check out one of my earliest posts: Anatomy of a Cartridge. If you are looking to inform someone about bullets and their effect on body armor, check out this post: Ballistic Vest Live Fire Test; that post I did exclusively for the education of those who don't know a thing about firearms.

Wait? Assault Thingies can save lives?

But I thought they were purpose built for dealing out death? Isn't the whole reason for owning an Assault Thingy for gunning down masses of children who are holding furry puppies under each arm?

Now they're all about "protection" and "protecting the public." If they can do it, I can do it too! I can protect the public!

I'm all about the po-po getting Assault Thingies; I sure wouldn't want to wander about in the woods at night looking for some violent cannibalistic child rapist with only my well worn issued Ruger to protect me. A Rock River Arms with a gazillion lumen light on it would make me much more willing to chase after him. That said, for the one or two incidents a year in which a for-real-no-shit drug smuggler is blasting away at the fuzz with his full auto widow maker, how many thousands of encounters will the cops have with Americans where they might want to point these rifles at them?

There should be some explicit use-of-force rules with the issuing of any weapons to cops, and perhaps more so with rifles. Some people I know and are very close to have seen what a dozen local county mounties do when they all have Assault Thingies, it's dark, they're excited and scared at the same time, and there's a misunderstanding at the neighbor's house.

A parent's worst fear

A Springfield, Va., man was arrested Sunday after he allegedly carjacked a woman’s vehicle with three 5-year-old children in the back seat.

I would never surrender my vehicle with my kids in it. That man would have to have killed me instantly dead, because if he didn't, I would do everything in my power to stop him, even if that meant gnawing at his ankles while I bled out on the pavement.

When I am out in public, I am aware of my surroundings at all times; even more so when I'm with the family. That doesn't mean that I reach for my waistband every time some dude gets close while I'm loading groceries, but I am aware of everyone that walks into my visual zone. I look at their eyes, and I watch their hands. Some may think that I'm over wrought with paranoia, but I just think that being cautious is smart.

Life favors the prepared. Just because society is advanced does not mean that there has been some sort of suspension of Natural Law. Keep your eyes open for advancing predators, and maybe you won't have to shoot one, or worse, have one drive off in your Sequoia with your toddlers in it.

Home again

Went to the beach with the family for the weekend; just getting back up to speed.