Full predatorial release

It takes a true bleeding heart to suggest paroling violent kiddie humpers back into the wild before their time is up, but hey, the laws the law, right? It's mandatory!

What could possibly go wrong?

CONCORD – Saying they had no other choice under new mandatory parole laws, state Adult Parole Board members yesterday agreed to set free eight inmates nearing their maximum term in jail. Among the paroled were child sex predators who have not completed prison programs aimed at rehabilitating them, according to Department of Corrections records. "

You are a danger. You are a predator," board member Mark Furlone said to Robin Woodburn Jr., 34, of Manchester. "I think it is disgusting we have to parole you out."

So do I. Of course, states say that they will monitor the lunatics as close as possible, but that's usually only until the cameras are off. Something tells me that guys like Woodburn aren't going to run out and land a job at Pep Boys, find an apartment in a beautiful community, and start an account at eHarmony to help find a meaningful, committed relationship.

Why is it that rule makers decide to blanket everything with their dumb laws? Seriously, of all the people suffering in the world, these dipshits decide that violent scumbags are suffering more, and need the attention of the government to help them pass the time faster. Go save the homeless or something. Their is a reason that prisons are known as places of suffering.

Advocates for Senate Bill 500 have said the bill would reallocate savings from the early release into programs within the community and provide treatment such as counseling for inmates.

And hopefully rape counseling and child victim rehabilitation, too. Let's not forget about the non-felon members of the community.

They argue that in the past, inmates who "max" out their time go into the community without any plan or support, and that this change ultimately would be safer and give victims more knowledge and control.

Apparently not, as felons are paroled regardless if they have a fat 401k, trust fund, and Bentley driven by loving family members waiting for them at the prison gates. And how does releasing them early give them control? What kind of control?

Sex offenders Woodburn, Michael Navarro, Anthony Blakney and Theodore Roosevelt are among the first inmates to be released under Senate Bill 500.

Awesome. Go on and read about what upstanding members of the community these guys were, and now envision them using the enlightening experiences that they earned in state prison for the good of all. What, why are you laughing? You don't think Navarro can make it as a grounds keeper at the local elementary school? Maine won't let him have any porn, which we all know will definitely keep his urges suppressed in the safest fashion. Wouldn't want him looking at nude pictures of consensual adults; we need his mind focused on flowers and stuff. And Blakney? With a little sprinkle of hope, and a dash of state sponsored caring, I am sure that he will do just fine as a little league coach. Your little Tommy is gonna have a smashing good swing with some of Blakney's gentle touch. Just watch!

(H/T to my brother)